This week was intense, or as my wife put it, “What week isn’t exhausting?” She’s right, often when I walk the land I can begin to be overwhelmed with the amount of work there is to do. There isn’t as much that needs to be done as I imagine, I could let the woods be woods and the grass stay as grass, then why did I come here? I’m comfortable controlling that fear that bit by bit the work with get done. I’m here for a reason, if I show up everyday then change will happen. I said on the podcast that I’ve given myself up, that’s how it feels, in order to tame the land, raise children, and maintain a happy marriage, caring for those things comes before myself. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care for myself, but I don’t let the exhaustion get to me. Similar to doing a road march all through the night when there’s no telling what’s around or how long we’re going, just keep walking. When the big feels too big, focus on the small, one foot in front of the other. Yesterday turned into an incredibly frustrating day, I had to go to the health department to get this state’s version of my child’s vaccination records. There seemed to be a computer error and the person was trying to tell me that we needed another shot to be up to date, despite that shot not existing and the government regulations saying we had all the shots we needed. She couldn’t conceive that the computer was wrong, eventually I went to a different county health department and they overrode the computer. Additionally I had a dentist appointment where they tried to give me and charge for a cleaning I never asked for and then I never saw the dentist until over an hour after my appointment. Those situations test patiences, in the moment I want to destroy the good things I have and walk away from it all because I’m annoyed. That’s not why I’m here though, I must stay true to the path I’m on.
Chris' Morning Pages 