25 August 2025

With the princess starting daycare, the whole family quickly got sick and it’s been a struggle to make it through the day even without extracurriculars. All day the kids want to be held, and so do the adults. Being sick I consider a low point and it makes me question my life not only because the unnecessary has to get cut, I also ask why am I doing certain things. I’ve been building this absurd recording studio for a podcast that doesn’t currently exist, so why and why am I even doing a podcast. Side note, I won’t call it a podcast in the future since it’s the same as any show or audio/visual file and the word podcast now has negative connotations. The point of my show and this blog is not for the now, but to have experienced it for the future. People think they think a lot, but until it’s put on paper or said out loud it doesn’t exist. Being able to channel thoughts into existence is a skill that gets better with practice. Writing a show is different form of expression, the blog is to keep ideas flowing and the show is to refine the excess into excellence. Doing hard things makes me better. Everyday it would be nice to continuously pick the easy path, but there’s no free lunches, sedentary life is atrophy. Keep moving, you’re still alive, aren’t you?

19 August 2025

Yesterday was a success, the little princess was very patient hanging out in the garage as I exercised on the bike. As we’re feeling rested, more improvement will happen which also requires more rest, especially in the beginning days of change. Laundry even got done yesterday, I don’t know why it feels like a big accomplishment, but it is. There were several bags of laundry after all, maintenance is never ending. Dishes need to be washed and trash emptied or soon will be drowning in filth. This connects to the myth of genius, Tesla wasn’t a super human achieving things like no other, no man is an island. I see experiments he did and think where did he get the parts. We can say he built a lot, but he didn’t mine the copper for wires or melt the glass for bulbs. At some point we make the concession that they had help, but we won’t go so far to say they had help all the way and in areas they lacked skill because that would hurt the myth of genius. We cling to heroes in hopes we might be blessed with the same gifts when really the belief keeps us running in place. The reality is someone has to wash Superman’s underwear and every minute doing the mundane isn’t spent on the frontier. This isn’t to say great things never happen, only that the point of celebration is the top of a much larger pyramid.

18 August 2025

I was walking the dog and my neighbor flagged me down to give me these shrimp that were in the gulf that morning, he was deep sea fishing in South Louisiana. We prepped the shrimp and it may have been the first time I’ve shelled and deveined shrimp. My elder princess was very curious and was able to touch them while we were working, then she even took a bite of cooked shrimp, for a three year old I’m very pleased she would try a food like that. Over the weekend the princess also began learning how to use a knife, part of our bedtime routine is she wants to eat a piece of butter, so I lined up the knife and she helps push it down. We’ve had plastic knife  toys for kids to play with for awhile, since I was made aware that we should introduce kids to dangerous things instead of avoiding them until the kid is “ready”. For all ages of life there is a lesson that there will never be a perfect time, perfect is the enemy of done, so start doing and make corrections along the way. It was the same way with me and the shrimp, I don’t know what I’m doing, but there’s a big bag to experiment with. Now onto future endeavors, it’s week two of daycare and last week was good enough rest, now to start up self improvement works. After the little princess takes a nap I should be riding the bike, trying not to snack, and am reading more. The book I’m currently reading is by Wilhelm Reich, concepts like orgone are hard to explain, “the world is mind” a simplification. Since the friend I’m distancing myself from was part of my Bible study, I’ll be working to study more on my own.

15 August 2025

They call it being the bigger man, but always feels like settling. I’m supposed to forgive everyone and when they don’t even apologize, how’s that fair? It’s not and it’s not supposed to be fair, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Being able to apologize or forgive without confrontation makes us stronger. My ego sure doesn’t like it though. A child sees strength only as lifting heavy things, with age that becomes a metaphor; lift a heavy burden or responsibility. This strength doesn’t build visible muscles, but in the soul, a resilience to folding. That folding could be giving in to every passing whim or curling up in a ball to cry when the world gets too heavy. What good does it serve to “be the bigger man”? It makes the world a better place, first by example, people see it and they want to also do better. Second, through action, If I’m not crying in the corner then I am doing and this strength means more doing over a lifetime. There’s also future benefits that becoming strong today makes it possible to be stronger tomorrow and more gets done. There’s the rub, the reward for taking care of yourself is more work. I do all this king regalia and people like to say, “heavy is the crown” which is true because it bring new problems which the king is responsible for. There is a steel breastplate I have and when I came back from NOLA there was rust on it, looks like a drop of condensation formed and rolled down the belly. Now I have to maintain steel where as if I threw it out, no problem.

14 August 2025

We made it back from New Orleans, so was Chrisfest a success? Sure in the sense that we made it there and back. Old friends and groups coming together is complicated scenario that will take time to unpack, I haven’t  even physically unpacked my bags. One friend was asked to leave for disorderly conduct, so I’m still figuring that out and never really got a chance to relax. The first question I ask is what did I do wrong, how did a bad thing happen from all the good we provided. Maybe lows are required to have highs, but I don’t think that’s the case here. Over my lifetime I’ve become more confident with my decisions, to know that I make good decisions. In contrast, when it comes to judging people I’ve grown to realize I’m not good at that, I want to believe everyone is trying their best and wants good all around; that’s not reality. A leader moves from the front, allowing for others to fall into the safety of their shadow. I ask what I did wrong because I can’t understand why people oppose me, I’m creating good things and sharing them freely with other, will give my full self to help them, still those I’m helping fight me knowing it will make every aspect of their situation worse while I’ll be fine. Reminds me of angels defying God, why do it? Because of ego, they should be the one with all the power. If you can’t control the little responsibility you’re given, more will only do harm.

6 August 2025

The down side of a neighborhood is any time I step out the door I’m likely to run into someone. At the end of the day my dog is wining to go for a walk, two days ago I crossed paths with the owners of two poodles. The humans were nice though the poodles were barking a lot. Last night I was still on my lawn when the neighbor across the street started talking to me, then I started walking the dog and ran into the neighbor’s husband for a chat. They’re all good people, but at that time of day I basically just got off work and want to relax. The girls are sleeping for the night, prep work for tomorrow is done, all the animals fed, I’m looking for some quiet time. Having kids means I’ll be spending the next 18 years looking for quiet time since yesterday we also took the girls to the pediatrician and today we’re going to the daycare to drop off school supplies for the year. The system they have at daycare for kid drop off and pick up is the parent stays in the car and the teacher loads the kid, that will keep conversation to a minimum though I know they’ll be plenty of chatter as time goes on. When we first moved here, we were the talk of the grocery store, someone said that. My amazing girls will increase that talk and I’m usually the only dad around in child care situations. Image of wood toys my princess painted.

5 August 2025

Last night was a little sweaty, at some point the AC went out. Living in old houses up until now has been nice because if this happens we can open up the windows and they’re designed for air flow. Our current house is air tight which helps the HVAC system, but now feels like I can’t breath. We’re taking the girls to the doctor today, they both have appointments, hopefully no one is getting any shots as that would likely make them fussy for the next couple days. Our trash can is full and tomorrow is trash day, so it’s building up inside the house. All of these things are little annoyances, nothing about my life is broken still my natural inclination is that I’m not doing enough and I’m left wondering how am I supposed to do more when I’ve got these distractions. Here’s where I’m thankful for the distractions because it’s not right that I always feel a need to improve, I have a very good life and should enjoy it. What becomes of me then? Dust, it’s what becomes regardless of any great achievement. When I listen to the Bible is seems in the old testament there are a lot of rules people must follow to stay holy, in the new testament my understanding is God made a new covenant(agreement) with mankind that faith in Jesus is all we can do. Rather than feeling like I don’t measure up, I work on gratitude for being relieved of the burden of measurement. Walk with a clear mind and I will be guided along the path.

4 August 2025

Good morning, back to the grind. This is the last week before daycare starts for the elder princess, that’s when I view my life in the new house as starting, right now could still be considered unpacking from the move. We’ve also go our New Orleans trip this weekend, so I’ll probably be missing a couple days of blogging. Currently my main concern is getting ready for the trip including packing clothes, putting the hard shell storage on the van, and we’ve got a new cooler that I still need to unbox and learn the basics of. The elder princess and I have been working on some painting for gifts to friends. I’ll have to take pictures of the paintings, they’re simple enough and come from a Curious George book where George is learning the alpha bet. There is a picture for each letter big and small that uses the letter in the picture of an object that starts with that letter. The princess is still very interested in painting and does it a couple times a day, mostly blobs but at age three shes getting practice for holding a pencil while learning letters. Practice of the word cat continues and I made a picture of that for her to see. I’m unsure if I will exercise this week as it could give or takeaway energy from this coming weekend. This past weekend felt like I was on E(empty), so I might need the rest.

1 August 2025

When I unpackaged the armor, I didn’t immediately wipe of the oil and it looks like there was some staining. The stains aren’t a big deal as part of the experience is to consider how should armor look, is it similar to a big clean truck that never gets used for its purpose or has it been through the mud? Looking run down isn’t my intention, in a way it’s the opposite since these props like crowns and armor give the idea of royalty. Problems benefit me by giving room to grow, it’s another telling to the circle of life. We’re born incomplete and need to grow into our adult bodies, as problems are solve we evolve into a new state, once there we can see problems we were unaware of before entering the space. Once the new problems are dealt with, we’ll be in a new situation that has it’s own challenges. Don’t want to manage mischief? Like rust, time will take it’s course regardless. There will always be work to do and only one man is perfect. We’ll be ok, there are problems bigger than mere mortals and God’s gift to us is that we don’t need to worry about them.

31 July 2025

Yesterday was good, I got some unexpected birthday presents with the arrival of two packages. The first was some tshirts my queen had made for our New Orleans trip and the second package was some armor I ordered for my crusader costume. The steel armor was coated in oil and will need to be maintained to prevent rust. Currently I have to wipe off the excess oil so the armor can be handled. All this made me think of a rap line, “What’s puppy love to a marriage?” What I wondered about the line was why isn’t the daily grind romantic? The idea of puppy love or a new thing has a honeymoon phase and the new thing is more exciting than long standing structures. For one, the regular occurrence becomes the norm and we stop noticing it, humans are really good at normalizing extreme behaviors in many different directions, it’s a little scary. Additionally the longest relationship would be the rarest situation since only one couple will reach that point. Similarly 50% of relationships will be below average, that’s statistics. Humans need to have two systems for reward, for the short and long term. Short term pleasure to get us excited into coming back, but in the long term we can’t have a big jolt of excitement since over 50 years that would get normalized and no longer be effective. Here’s where I turn to the soul, or the mind, I say “in the beginning was the word”, a place for a person to turn inward; less pleasure and more satisfaction. Describing what I mean by satisfaction is difficult, perhaps I can explore it again sometime, for now it’s a new thought brought by my original question.