As closing for the house approaches, once again all these people who buy and sell houses for a living are running around like chickens with their heads cut off having no idea what to do. They move dates around like what day a piece of paper gets signed matters or because they need so many days for paperwork to sit on someone’s desk. That’s not the age we live in, there’s no reason that everything for buying a house couldn’t be done in one day, or one click. Large sums of money can be moved instantly, paperwork can be sent all over the world to get multiple signatures in seconds, so when I hear we have to move the date because there’s no way we could get the paperwork together in a couple days, I know the company is full of it, but whatever they’re calling the shots. I’ve got nothing to lose though, so I’m not getting caught up in their mess. I might file a complaint about this loan officer though, it felt like she’d been avoiding us until two days before claiming she needs all this documentation. They had a month to ask for this stuff and now its all rushing around? No thanks, I’ve been through this before and got caught up in it then, now I’m not going to let a bunch of paper get my emotions. This morning was nice, I went walking through the garden to take more pictures. It’s been awhile since I’ve gone out in the morning, possibly because it’s been so rainy. Usually I water the crops in the morning and walk down the line to make sure water is flowing and pull for weeds. I’ve been worrying less about weeds because soon they won’t be my problem. Soon none of these stupid people will be my problem, I’ll be resting on my own land.
Today is a beautiful day. The sun is mildly out, enough to give light without sweat and the humidity is comfortable. There’s not much on today’s agenda for me. What pre-packing can be done has been and now we’re playing the waiting game. I’d rather play hungry hippos. That’s a The Simpsons reference, I’ve been noticing lately that I do a lot of those which is funny because I haven’t watched the show in probably over a decade. There were still very good jokes in prime Simpsons as well as social/political commentary, I have no idea what it’s like now. In order to write a show for over 20 seasons, it must be a zombified state of its former self. The trouble of a sitcom or perhaps any story where the characters can’t change is that doesn’t allow for arcs and development. For example Homer is a flawed guy, that’s his charm. If we care about Homer, we’d probably want him to get his life together, stop spending so much time at the bar, perhaps do some studying and go for a promotion at the nuclear power plant. After Homer betters himself, people will congratulate him on the hard work and that he accomplished his goals, but he would no longer be the same flawed guy audiences fell in love with. People will eventually stop watching his new non-zany adventures. Homer now knows how to avoid his previous pitfalls. To compliment this with another Simpsons reference, there is a gag where Sideshow Bob steps on a rake and the handle swings up into his face. Bob is surrounded by rakes, so everywhere he turns he gets another rake to the face and every time he has the same exact reaction. Crowds want to see predictable conflict with predictable outcomes, that’s entertainment.
This morning is a wet one. I find rain most often happens while I’m asleep, but today was a good pattern. The rain started shortly after I woke up, this isn’t the best pattern mind you because I struggle to get work done during the rain. Ideally the rain would start around noon and last all day, stopping after I fall asleep of course. Right now, pup and I are listening to the water fall. My dog seems to be doing better with his injury if you’re wondering. While he was hurt we got some pet stairs for him to walk up to our bed because he would wince whenever he jumped. It’s been very cute teaching him how to walk up those tiny stairs. He’s actually spent most of his life on the first floor and there was a time when he was scared of all stairs because he had gone his whole life without encountering a full staircase. The packing yesterday went well, I bought a couple of these big plastic totes, it ends up working out to where the loose items in each room will fill up a single tote. Yesterday I filled two totes in a couple hours and cleared off all the walls. To me, having the walls bare makes the house feel way more empty than it did the day before. I was planning on packing up my art room this morning, but I’ve had a blocky headache since I woke up. I’m going to finish writing this and then maybe lay down. Hopefully I’ll feel better and continue packing, but if I can’t today then I don’t mind. The packing that I have done made me feel a lot better about the whole event and that I am correct in thinking I could have everything moved in a couple of days. For most of my life, the standard was not to own more than I can put in my Honda Fit. After moving with that car, everything else is easy.
I’m about to start packing, this is it, the beginning of a new age. My mind is racing, screaming and scheming. This has to go into that, but make sure to wrap it with those. Pick up thing, put it down elsewhere, it’s no more complicated than that. I’m going to try and get as much disassembled, to where there’s nothing to do at home except wait. The pup’s hip also seems to be bothering him lately. I think the cause was getting him a bunch of new FetchIt balls, he went from just walking, to adding about 40 full force jumps a day. The little guy has so much excitement that he doesn’t know when his body is tired. Even now when he’s resting, if we get up for a drink in the kitchen, he’ll spring into action and give a little wince. Poor pup, we’ll take care of him though. I decided to start taking Sunday’s off from everything work related, so I have a built in rest day. Monday’s become harder when the weekend breaks the rhythm I have all week long. That’s probably what everyone goes through and it’s not as though I can work everyday for the rest of my life without taking a break, so I’ll have to get used to it. Over the weekend I was playing with the podcast stuff some more and even recorded a commercial, I don’t think I’m going to use it. At least for now, there’s no reason to use commercials for anything I create. Would I want commercials in my diary? At the same time, I really like recording ads, and maybe I’ll make up products to have fake ads in my episodes. Now that is an idea I can get behind. It’ll be some tougher improvising, but I’m up to the challenge. Time to pack.
Today is a bright and shinny morning, a little too bright actually. The first thing I had to do was close some shades because I was bumping into objects while in a well lite room. Yesterday I did my first recording of a podcast. I guess I’ll share the link if anyone really wants to check it out. I’m not trying to push stuff on people, and who knows if I’ll be able to commit to it long term. I find the idea very fascinating though and there’s something exciting about being live on a microphone that gets my blood pumping. I’d like to keep doing it, but I’d also like to be making paintings everyday, it’s more a matter of finding what I can do consistently. Also I’ve been building my day from the ground up, having a daily routine makes activities easier to do. If the podcast fits into my routine without being something I feel forced to do, I’m sure it’ll work out. What’s also very exciting is the speech aspect. In the first episode I did some Eminem that starts with “but saying I no longer got it”, that message is what fuels me, and the flow of that section matches the feeling. The feeling is I can out talk anyone. Typing here is a completely different beast than talking. I was once on a cruise and I was having a rough night when these kids walked in and decided to make a bunch of nonsense and my immediate reaction was to shout, “shut up.” Their group came over me because teenage boys aren’t going to be told what to do. Obviously I could have hurt them physically, but I’m not a monster. The kid I told to shut up possessed the argument to me, “You don’t have to listen.” That gave me an idea, kids have a short attention span, so I began to talk. I kept talking and talking because I knew eventually they’d forget the words I was saying in the beginning and be lost in the conversation. It worked, they told me to watch my back and left. I could have went all night.
We heard from the appraiser for the new place yesterday. Everything is looking good and we’re pretty much done, only need a few more signatures. First, owning a place is huge to me, even if I only owned a patch of dirt. I would be happy if I was only buying the dried up pond on the property. I was going to describe this view as American because a lot of the poignant wordings that effected me came from someone like Henry David Thoreau. I’m also thinking about the movie Jeremiah Johnson and the idea of “Going West” in America. The idea that a person can go out where no one has flattened the grass yet and make their own way. Once I own this land, I can do things my way. Of course I don’t mean things that break the laws of the country or even local building codes, but up till now I’ve been renting. Renting means either I have to keep coming up with money to pay for this place the rest of my life or I won’t stay there. Knowing something is temporary makes it hard to put down roots. I put down some trees in the backyard of the house I’m currently in and I’m not looking forward to digging up tree roots. Who am I kidding, I am looking forward to digging, but not undoing work I’ve done. Owning a place and believing I will be there for life allows me to move forward with any project I want, it doesn’t matter if the project takes a decade to complete or if the rest of the world finds it ugly. I’m doing this for me. When you have a place to call your own, you’re living for yourself. In Of Mice and Men when they’re talking about their plan, George says, “If we don’t like a fella, then they can leave.”
Chappelle had a special recently called 8:46 and one of the things he noted in it was 8:46 was the time of his birth. There were a couple other instances he mentions of patterns he sees with numbers and places. When I was rediscover Christianity and trying to make sense of the Bible, a friend let me know that not everything has to be a pattern. The Bible is full of patterns and is self referential, make no mistake about that. What I want to talk about is these people that are constantly forming patterns. I’ve always said the brain is a pattern recognizing machine, but maybe that only applies to my type of brain. There’s a quote by Freud that I think is incredible for its simplicity, but also saying it all. “Everything is related to everything.” I’ve always been a believer in the theory that if we could know where every atom in the world is and how it reacts to every other atom, some sort of super computer could calculate every event that will happen for all eternity. That’s not going to happen because atoms aren’t the most base material. We will never know what the foundation of reality is because, “If our brains were simple enough to understand, we’d be too simple to understand them.” My stomach cells will never know that I ate bad fish last night because that’s not what they were made for, they have specific receptors that cue specific actions. Of course now you’re wondering, what are we made for? Welcome to existentialism, but you’re better off asking “What am I made for?” There’s only one way to find out, go exploring. Exploring is dangerous though, someone might get the idea their head was made for crushing aluminum cans. If people are applauding as they do it, that’s confirmation.
I broke three eggs on the first try today, that must be a good omen. Perhaps all my chicks will hatch this fall. With this sign from the heavens, I’m going to go ahead and count all my eggs to plan for having that many chickens. I’m working on figuring out other social media platforms. There’s this entrepreneur, Gary Vee, who has written about his idea that people who want to be on social media in a professional sense should be posting 50 pieces of media a day. He explains that means taking bites out of longer content and posting it on other platforms. I’ll probably do something like that because it’s usually different audiences in different places, so they haven’t seen it before, but it still feels a little disingenuous. Regardless, the idea I’d like to work some kinks out of today is the podcast. To be clear, I’m not trying to make social media my profession. I want to be left alone to do my thing, but humans still need social interaction. I’ve adapted to having conversations with myself, which I’m fine with, but I have to get the words out in the real world otherwise it’s as if I never existed. The reason I’m excited for the podcast is because I want to talk to myself, I’m my favorite person and I’d like to get to know me better. I’ve been trying to think of a title for the show, “Me, myself and I” could be fitting, but I liked, “Being Chris Cooper” as a play on Being John Malkovich since Chris Cooper is an actor as well and the podcast would be similar to the movie Being John Malkovich in that it’d be giving people some time to see what it’s like in my head, without the price of being dropped along a NJ highway afterwards.
I need to say thank you, to anyone who reads this, I think you’re really cool. Yesterday my blog got 100 followers. That is a milestone, not that I know what it means, but it’s like I woke up in the passenger side of a car and saw the mile marker for 99.6 I’m going to keep an eye out for 100. I wanted to recognize it because it’s something to wrap my head around. Presumably real people are clicking the follow button, that means they read something I wrote and decide they would like to see more. That’s insane, thank you for your attention, I’ll try to never waste it. As you’ll see below though I like to build patterns to what I’m saying on different levels so they weave together. If it’s unclear what I’m saying, I can understand if that’s frustrating. I think I’m a pretty talented guy though, and what I do I do it well, so as long as my intention is to create something of quality and value I believe it will happen. The future though, so obviously there’s the craziness of the house, but I’m a glutton for punishment and when the going gets tough the tough get going. I’m going to try and spread this content out across other platforms. If you haven’t already, you should check out my instagram. I’ve cleaned things up a lot and it’s mostly pictures of what I’m growing and my dog. They’re from the same batch of pictures I post with my morning pages, but I’ve been posting three pictures a day there because I can’t get them out fast enough here. I kind of want to start a podcast. My only idea for it is to sit down in a chair and talk for an hour. I don’t think I would prepare anything for it, but you can see what my stream of consciousness is like for an hour. There’s a ton to figure out, but I wanted to recognize the milestone and would like to put more effort into growing what I’ve got.
Let the spice flow
This is gonna be a good one, I can feel it. I’m sorry for all those who don’t like my “good ones”, they’re usually off the wall because there’s no foundation. See what I did there? I’m going to show you what I see with my inner eye. It’s starts with the infinite, as with all things the beginning is the end. My dad would call me his blue baby because in the womb the umbilical cord had wrapped around my baby neck. He jokes that I was playing jump rope in there. My mom had a C(for chris)-section, but I remember being told I was supposed to be born on 4th of July, so I was a little late. I was almost a Yankee-doodle-dandy, but got caught up rapping. I wonder if I have to go back and explain that sentence. I want to say that anyone that reads me can catch it. Yankee-doodle-dandy is someone born on 4th of July, but there are also connections to my aspirations in the military and how I like to decorate in Red, White and Blue. (notice there’s no comma after “White” because that’s an Oxford comma and I’m all about American punctuation), so I feel like I missed that dream and it’s a part of my character. Why I missed the dream was because I got “caught up” meaning wrapped in my umbilical cord and that in life I got distracted by things associated with rap(sex, drugs and money) while referencing “wrapped around my baby neck.” with “rapping”. That’s one sentence, that’s where I’m at. If you’re not there, then I’ll show you how.
P.S. You should share my website with someone that is cool.
It’s around lunch time now, I don’t know how I forgot to write this earlier. I ran yesterday and maybe dieted a little low on calories, so I’m feeling pretty low on energy today. I also had a bad night’s sleep, it was the sort of sleep I get when I don’t eat enough. I wonder how dramatic I am, it wasn’t a bad night, but I didn’t sleep through the night so by the purpose of sleep it would be bad. I don’t want to be complaining because the sleep felt really good and I’ve been un-depressingly happy lately. When I woke up in the middle of the night, the feeling is more like excited to consciously be under the covers in a cool, dark room. The down side is the dread of waking up just before your alarm goes off.
In the Army, there has to be people on guard at all times. At night it’s usually one hour per person because there’s only 8-16 guys to cover a shift anyway. The worst guard shifts were probably starting two hours after you could go to sleep or wake up for guard three hours before everyone wakes up. After I became a sergeant I was the one who made the guard lists. If there were eight guys that I out-ranked, I wouldn’t even need to be on guard. Often I would still put myself on guard, but I would take the hour before wake up. I usually showed up to work an hour early to get ready for the day anyway. If first formation was at 7:00 AM, I still had work that needed to be submitted before 6:30 AM everyday. It’s so wild to think about those days, and I’m honestly thankful to wake up early to make Mary’s breakfast because it gives me something to do. I need tasks, even if they’re as mundane as, “check these boxes and return the paper”.