Holy Holiday

Good morning, I’ve got most of the small stuff out of the house and we’ll have some movers help with the furniture. Tomorrow the internet gets switched over to the new place and we’ll quickly follow. Then we can begin “unpacking” because right now I’ve been hauling loads over and dumping stuff in whatever clean corner catches my eye. There’s a certain degree of cleaning that needs to be done before settling in and we might rent a dumpster for a day or something because the old owners left a bunch of stuff. They left some great furniture, like a beautiful table with eight chairs, but there’s just as much broken junk. Plus the previous owners had farm animals, so there’s additional trash for that. The two sheds down by the pond that will one day be great, most recently they’ve been used to house chickens and will also need some cleaning. There will be a never ending list of things to do because that’s owning a house, so I’m glad to be documenting my days. I think this is going to work out nicely. Today I’m mostly around the old place, I’m going to mow the lawn for the last time and have got to sign for a package. I was trying to explain that I want to make what I do look more like a job because I feel people think my availability means I’m available. I’m always working, sitting still, I’m probably building something in my head or piecing together a plan for what’s next. You won’t know if you’re going the right way without a plan. I also realized yesterday how connected people are to their phones. As crazy as this may sound, I go out of my way to not have my phone around me during the day because I see it as a distraction.

Unsightly Sightseers

I feel a lot better after taking my day off. Before the house, my energy tends to run out by Fridays, so with all the extra running around I crashed hard on Saturday. I may have had a migraine, but my body was exhausted and I hadn’t been eating. If you didn’t know already, the guy who writes a blog talking to himself and records a podcast talking to himself, this guy has social anxiety. When the time came close on the house, I was laying in the fetal position because of the stabbing in my stomach I get from those types of situations. I needed some time to reset after that. Hopefully things clear up and I’ll work until the tank runs low at the end of the week again. On social anxiety, I was talking to a friend recently and he has to quit his job because he found a new one. We were talking about him having to tell his boss and how awful that experience is. Talking to anyone is an awful experience in our shoes, but he called himself a “coward” because he was afraid to make the call. My response was, “I volunteered for a war and I ran away from making that call, so don’t be so hard on yourself.” There are different types of people and they fear different things. If two people are walking towards me, one with a weapon and the other is smiling and reaching for a handshake, I’m probably more afraid of the person smiling; I know what to do about a person with a weapon. I’ve studied a couple books to know what I’m supposed to do in conversations although now that I’ve got my own land I couldn’t care less if strangers accept me socially. The take away is to be kind to each other because we never know what someone else is going through. I can handle a lot of pain, but the worst pains I experience are invisible to the eye. 

Who knows how the flow goes

This is just hunch, but I may not be as young as I used to be. I’ve began moving into the new house and when I woke up this morning, my whole body was sore. There’s an initial fear when I wake up and my back is hurting, that fear says, “You can’t do what you used to do, quit now.” Mental fortitude has me telling that fear to get lost, we’ve been on lockdown for month and it’s been difficult to find the motivation for exercise. Combined with the stress of paperwork the last couple weeks, my body has to be built up. When I’m tired, I need to rest and when I’m feeling strong, I’ll let go of the reins. On one hand, moving is an exhausting event that will be over shortly, but the other side is that I want my days to be filled with physical labor. I’m going to be building structures, planting trees, and constantly moving heavy things from here to there. That’s a lifestyle that I want to live and I can live it, but it is far from the lifestyle I’m currently living. It’s going to take time to get to where I want to be.  I can only get there if I’m getting appropriate rest when my body needs it. Change takes time, so today I’m going to rest as much as I can. I’ll probably end up taking some stuff to the new house because we’ll probably go over there to enjoy it. The house is still so new that it has to be broken in, but really what it’s missing is internet. My intention is to set up a big mesh of internet around the house, so I have a good connection when I’m working up there. I’d also like to set up a receiver someday by the pond to have internet down there. Once I get to that point, I’m never leaving home again.

The deed is won

It’s over, if all goes well I’ll never have to buy a house again. Yesterday wasn’t terrible, there was some last minute stress because the bank hadn’t spoken to the title company or sent over the paperwork. Literally 90 minutes before we signed the papers is when the bank finally said we were in the clear. The people that worked at the title company kept saying our bank is good for just about everything, but when it comes to mortgages they make you work for it. I believe them too because I’ve never had a complaint with my bank before all of this and it honestly felt like they were playing games with us by the way they acted. That’s all in the past now and it can’t hurt me. I own land, that’s the important part. As soon as I can I’ll start collecting rainwater and put some fruit trees in the ground. I’m also going to slow down and relax, I need to unwind. The uncertainty and inability to do anything with the paperwork got me tied up in knots that will take some time to loosen. Moving forward into moving, for the next couple days I’ll be moving thing. Instead of taking this stuff to our new place, I should drive it out to the dump, am I right? There’s only about two small bins of stuff that hasn’t been touched since our last move. I have a rule that if I put something into storage when I move into a place and it hasn’t left by the time I move again, then that stuff was trash that I should’ve thrown away, but the bins we have are old pictures and papers. Where do we go from here? Up, the sky is the limit, well the limit is about 40 feet or however tall a mature walnut tree gets.

Te amo

My dad was in the hospital recently, so I’m going to think about that idea. If you’re reading this, I love you and I hope you’re feeling better. To my knowledge, I never wished for someone else to be my father. You’ve done a great job because I’m fully capable of taking care of myself and have even been able to help other people with their messes occasionally. There was a time when I was afraid to make a noise in your presence and now I’m comfortable talking to you about anything, so thank you for that. I guess I don’t know what it means to be a dad because I’ve only ever been a son. From a son perspective I’ve never been delusional that everyone must say goodbye to their parents sooner or later, me being older than 30 is comforting because I’m not being forced to grow up by the event. I’ve often said that we only know we’re alive after we almost died, you’re still alive for a reason and I hope you enjoy it to the fullest. I’m not sure what else there is to say, just know the past was good, the present is good and the future is looking bright as well. I gotta try to make the most out of our time too, it’s easy to fall into a routine when the big things have mostly been the same my entire life. I’ll watch my share of internet trash, but I’m happy with everything I manage to squeeze out of life. There aren’t many objects that I want, I’m more about creating new memories and experiences. Everyday is a new adventure and we should never listen to anyone that tells us that helmet on our head is a wash bucket, we’ve got windmills to fight. Time marches forward.

Latch that hatch

I was going to start packing up my truck today for the move, but the weather is supposed to be rainy the next couple days. The rain will make things interesting. I’ve got a massive tarp and sheets of plastic, so hopefully nothing gets too wet during the move, but I won’t push my luck by having stuff sit in the rain. I never thought of owning a house as a moment in my life, it was always more of a financial decision. I would compare the cost of rent and not having to fix problems with the house to a mortgage with insurance. Putting money into a house counts as an asset that you’re paying interest on, the other side is not having that money in an asset means competing against inflation. None of that describes the feeling when I imagine standing on my land looking out. Now I’ll have the room to pursue all sorts of projects and I will be able to make changes to the house. I’m going to start by throwing a hammer into a wall just because I can. I’m also excited to have peg board on the walls in my little shop. On the side of the garage there are two small rooms, one is a laundry room and the other is going to be my work shop. I think the room is perfect for what I want in a shop because in a sense the room is outside of the house; I have to walk through the garage to get there. Having distance from people relieves me from the worry that someone will hear me, then I can do my Eminem raps in peace. A dedicated shop area allows me to leave a mess on the table and I don’t have to see it while walking around the house. There’s so much I want to do, but I have to wait a little longer.

Light Bright Might

We got the final piece of paperwork in, hopefully, and should be home owners soon. More importantly land stewards. I like the idea of “stewards of the land” because there’s a reminder not to abuse the land, or to avoid leaving it in a worse condition than we found it in. Oh, the AC in the place we’re currently at is fixed. The problem was the air filter hadn’t been changed since before we moved in. The repair man even said he’d been on three calls that morning and every one of them was because of the filter. Part of me feels it’s dumb that there was so much hassle over something so easily fixed, but this is why I need to own a house. I have no desire to touch anything in this house because I’m not being paid to do so. If this were my house, then it’s my job to fix it. Either fix it or live in a broken home, and no one wants that. Good to know that the most common problems are still the simplest, even in HVAC. What I’ve been learning with my studies on all things DIY is it’s all pretty simple, you connect piece A to piece B and there are usually connectors made for that job. Piece B may be a complicated piece of machinery, but it’s filled with its own collection of A’s attaching to B’s. Learning how electricity is created was tough, that’s more than connecting pieces, in fact the main parts need to remain detached. When I think of electricity being created by some copper moving around magnets, it’s a reminder that we live in a magical world. We can come to understand things we can’t see and in time learn to harness them for the creation of a new world.

Day dream through nightly news

Looks like the AC is going to need some repairs, but in the meantime the landlord gave us a mobile AC unit to at least put in the bed room. I remember listening to someone talk recently and they were saying in the Summer, it was common that people would sleep on their porch, fire escape or yard. That was around 1950’s, no one does that anymore. Honestly, if I slept on my front porch, I’d be afraid I would wake up in the middle of the night to red and blue lights. It used to be fun for me to hate on authority, now it’s so trendy that I have to move on to a new topic. Maybe that’s what brings me to more spiritual thoughts, or maybe being cooped up in one place for so long has my mind going on celestial journeys. Whatever is going on, I don’t mind because it’s pretty exciting for a life. If everything were to be “the way we always do it”, that becomes boring. That sentiment is also frustrating because nothing stays the same, so doing things the same way as the past for no other reason than “it’s what people do” is usually the wrong answer. I came up with the right answer this past weekend, get stable food, water, and shelter. I know I shouldn’t be giving away all my secrets, but you seem trustworthy. The trick with those things is if no one puts energy into the system and people are taking from it, then the whole thing will collapse sooner or later. Unfortunately we must all do uncomfortable work. It’s not unfortunate, we’re very fortunate to be here and be given an opportunity to make ourselves into whatever the mind can dream up.

Hi Ho Sky Drone

I’m feeling good today, I already got my run in and I’m ready to greet life as the shinning sun I am. It’s been hot, boi I tell ya, so hot our AC unit may be struggling. We’ve got the ceiling fans on though and I like that. I usually prefer to not have AC on, but I think the house we’re currently in has non vented soffits and there are no screens on any other the windows so we’re boxed in. Well if I can’t have air moving through the house, we’re going to have to pay for electricity to move the air by force. Daily activities adjust around the height of the sun now that it’s summer. For instance I wanted to go for my run today before the sun came up and yesterday when I took the dog for a walk we left after 8 PM. The sun is still blazing at that time because we’re on the edge of a time zone, basically giving us an hour later of sun compared to those on the eastern edge. The walk last night felt like I was in an episode of The Twilight Zone. First off no one is walking the streets because it’s so hot, but also because of current events. The other part was it seemed like every house I passed had someone sitting on their porch taking in the Summer evening, I was walking down empty streets with what felt like rows of people staring at me; very strange. I’d also like to point out my annoyance at the fact that I have to say current events because if I were to say the V-word, P-word, or C-acronym, then an algorithm will most likely throttle my exposure. That is true censorship, but you’ll never see anyone in the streets protesting it. How could they communicate their intentions without being able to say the words. That’s how you know rebellions are authorized, you see specific terms all over headlines. If media companies didn’t want people to see it, theres enough garbage on the internet to burry any attempt at awareness.

Aye Brah, go Ham

Oh boi, 4th of July 2020. What can you say? Well I’ll start by saying I think America is awesome. As Rousseau pointed out, the origin of inequality was when one man staked out a square of land for himself and everyone believed it. Of course a person who lives, as Jefferson put it, three score a decade can’t own something that is billions of years old because like the song says, “This land is your land, this land is my land”, so sure fight for your rights, throw tea into the river and curse the monarchy. America is built on a group of people banding together to throw out the most powerful nation that had ever existed. As crazy as things seems, America is still a democracy and that’s even crazier. Think about all the changes this country has gone through since 1776 and we are still able to come together to decide the course of our future through voting and discourse. For a comparison of how hard it is to keep a massive country together, the USSR was founded in 1922 and dissolved with her people starving and abused by 1991. America is still an experiment though because our gates are open and the people who come through are afforded the same freedoms as those born here, that’s a lot of different opinions that have to work together. Only time will tell if open or closed boarders are the way to go, but for those who don’t know, fighting for American rights only to be shut down by American military is a part of our history. In 1791 a tax on American spirits(primarily whiskey) was instated. A group of farmers, mostly revolutionary war veterans, refused taxation without representation and roughly 500 men attacked the tax inspector’s home. In 1794, president George Washington himself led over 13,000 troops to squash the rebellion. That is why another head on Mount Rushmore’s policy was, “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.”

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