Special Report

I don’t exactly look like this right now, but it’s a good characterization

Recently my wife and I had a tif because I ask for her opinions about what I’m doing here. I love my wife and I’m happy I can trust her to be honest with me, but I was hurt by her saying my morning pages seem muted since making them public. I want to be humble and take criticism, so maybe there is some truth in there that I didn’t want to see. That brings me to these writings, I’ll throw caution to the wind and be loud, this is a thesis on depression. How hard it is and how much I hate myself. I don’t know why I hate myself, but this feeling controls my life. I swear for years I’ve felt asleep and I’m starting to wake up. I want to do things in life again, hell I want to live again. That alone I thought was unattainable. As I sit here and fall apart again, know that we can always put ourselves back together and honestly it’s easier when you have the help of other people. I want to be a great man and I never would have thought that means being apart of a community rather than one person standing above the rest. 

I really am doing quite well to even be able to think about how I felt then, but it’s like The Hero with A Thousand Faces has to enter into the underworld to return home with a magical gift and growth. I feel like I’m growing. 

Veteran’s day is Monday apparently. I’ll probably get pretty trashed because that means I’ll probably be thinking a lot about my one Army friend that killed himself. I recently heard from another old friend that he’s getting kicked out of the Army. He’d been in around 10 years. I hope he doesn’t kill himself. I want to help him out as much as I can and that means I have to be stronger with helping myself out. Well I’m outside and my fingers are getting cold so I guess I’m done typing. Thanks for sticking with me and hey if you read these regularly, feel free to say hi. I’m Chris, here’s my internet hand shake and smile.

2 thoughts on “Special Report

    1. Thank you and congratulations, you’re the first comment on my blog! I’d like to thank you for joining me and please accept this commemorative reply as a token of my appreciation.


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