Writing this is exploring myself and I’ve been avoiding exploring myself today. I always say I’m tired as an excuse, but I’m never too tired to do anything, so I wait. All I have to do is wait one month, I’ve waited years before. Who would have thought one day I’d be more excited to buy a house than I am for Christmas. I’m also happy with how all the house stuff turned out because I did not have the same excitement for it as I do for this one. The last house looked out over a city and this one faces a died up pond, this more my speed. That’s me though, wanting to throw myself against a wall. I’m trying to figure out how I got here. I had a much different vision of where I was going. I always have a different idea of where I’m going because by the time I get somewhere new, I can see more I’d like to explore. I don’t even have to move because time changes my surroundings.
If I thought I was good enough, I wouldn’t be able to push myself. That’s what I tell myself, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I can read because I feel like reading. Will I do everything that’s good for me though? Well the only bad thing right now is that I’m not very physically active and over eat, but I’m waiting to be physically active. Having more to do in a day will also keep me from mindless eating. What I’m getting at is everything is going to be alright. I’m good, I’m gonna build a house with personalized art all over the place. It’s not going to be amateur stuff either, I’ll turn my drive for perfection onto laying down tile. I was walking through the store today looking at camping gear and seeing the tree branch saws got me so excited.