12 February 2026

I need to start work on my magnum opus. It’ll take some time to get started since I don’t know in what medium it’ll be made. Always best to start and great work with push ups and pulls ups. Now that all the blood has rushed out of my head I can think clearly. The next project I’m working on does involve push ups, so it’s actually fair to start with that. Our house has been dealing with sickness for a couple weeks, it’s felt like that long since I’ve had my mind to think. For Project 22, the new name of my next project, I’ve been gathering notes on the 20 individuals I’ll be speaking about. At current count I’ve got 13 written, that’s a good start. My due date will be 22 days out from Memorial day, May 25. That gives me until at least May though I need to keep pressure on; we’re already a month and a half into the new year. At some point I’ll try to make time for more writing. I’m still working on what I want to do for Sunday posting. There’s an idea to start a newspaper that is appealing to me. The physical newspaper might be the most exciting part to me, the problem with that I foresee is the paper. The bigger the paper, the more it has to be folded, which takes up real time. The idea opens me up to new avenues of promotion I need to explore anyway, it’s helpful to have a product I’m proud of when I go bothering people for views. 

11 February 2026

Saw a video today of Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali talking about fear. The video might have been AI, but I wanted to think on fear. Through out life I’ve asked myself what am I afraid of and it’s not to brag that I fear nothing. For me the question is one of preparedness, fear is a weakness that can be exploited and I want to strengthen any weak points. I don’t have any well defined fears as my thinking has always been there’s nothing to fear, the worst that can happen is death. Some may argue there are worse fates than death such as pain and exploiting loved ones. Those aren’t problems if the individual disconnected the mind from reality. I have nothing, so nothing can be taken from me except my life. With Jesus, I don’t even have to worry about my life. To run towards gun fire, I disconnect, I’m just running like on a treadmill and the bullets are no different than dust in the air. Social anxiety is something I deal with, the thought of a simple conversation makes me sick in the stomach. I overcome public speaking the same way as any, disconnect and believe there’s no difference between talking alone or in front of a crowd, and I’ve been able to perform in front of groups as large as a couple hundred people. Fear still finds ways to creep into life like being afraid for my daughters. Again, my reaction is fight over flight, that I must put in safety nets to prevent my fears from manifesting.

10 February 2024

Our Winter is hopefully over now that 70 degree days have returned. Winter is always brutal, by definition it’s some of the hardest days of the year. I won’t focus on the dark days and I frankly can’t remember most of them. The deeper truth to Superman is the strength given us by the sun. We had the family out yesterday playing on the swingset together, that’s good stuff. Another week of posting and recording my show complete. With the warmer weather coming, I need to adjust my outfit to get that armor off. In terms of studying for my show, I’ve been doing next to none, which is fine. I’d rather set a floor of expectations and maintain that for a long time, then stress making episodes as information dense as possible. There is still work that goes on inside of my head and I tell myself that is why I do it. If I don’t make the show, then I won’t put in the work and I need to record my conclusions to really find out what I know. There is an idea that if you can’t teach a lesson, then you don’t know it. One of the best tests on our individual knowledge is having to put it in words and say it out loud. People think they know every step of the way between A and Z. When asked what are the steps they’re dumbfounded because they legitimately never asked themselves to lay out their thoughts. Real world evidence outweighs any theory.

Faith in Secret WAR ep 81

Crusader reads Matthew Chapter Six, exploring themes of prayer, fasting, almsgiving, and the contrast between material wealth and spiritual riches. The discussion emphasizes the importance of sincerity in religious practices and the need to focus on spiritual growth rather than earthly possessions. The speaker also highlights the significance of the Beatitudes and the teachings of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount.

6 February 2026

Yesterday was one of those days we were counting down the minutes until baby bedtime. The queen and I have been sick from the cold front and in that delirium picked up some other ailments. For me, the culprit appears to be some funky beef. For three days in a row I was eating it without assessing if it was something new. With kids, there’s no time to think. The elder princess was sent home from daycare for her cough and I was taking care of everyone the best I could. After I figured out my problem and was looking back on the experience, it was astonishing I stayed on my feet. My super power is being able to focus so intensely that dying won’t stop me. An ability I worked on since at least the Army is separating the mind/body connection to paint. At the time I wanted to go to SERE school, where they literally torture you. The training is to prepare for being a POW and not divulge any secrets under duress. There was also the element that you could be jumped anytime by coworkers. When you’re held down and there’s a line of guys waiting to hit you, my intention was to give them no satisfaction to my paint; no reaction. How that plays out in child care is hard to explain. Fluids were coming out of everywhere they could and physically it felt like the world was crushing my skull. Then add on kids crying and screaming, I’m happy to be past it. I swear, a baby’s cry is designed to shut down a parent’s whole body. Nothing matters more than fixing that cry. All that leads to like I said, counting the minutes until I can be alone and sit still. Thankfully that’s not everyday.

4 February 2026

War wages on, not an actually war just the fight for daily survival. There’s been a lot of snot in this house with all the cold and it’s raining today, so I expect more cold temperatures. Right now I’m working to keep the family ship sailing. Every morning I start at my healthiest and deteriorate through out the day. Sleep and nighttime bring the recovery that keeps me going. I did a good number of push ups and pull ups yesterday while I was still on the healthy side. Exercise for the first time feels like I’m using my muscles instead of pushing through pain. It’s enjoyable to flex my back and it’s basically enough to pull up; makes me feel strong. There will be no exercise today, more rest is required. Today will be taking care of the little princess, wiping her nose and drinking lots of water. Maybe the rain will be enjoyable to watch. Being sick is all about waiting, even right now my brain attempting to work and I can feel a clog. I was able to edit the next episode of my show, then in my brain fog posted it on Rumble instead of scheduling it for Saturday. It doesn’t effect anything, only that I know that wasn’t what I wanted to do. The problem with running everything by myself is every application has it’s own syntax, or language, the specific buttons I need to press and when. That is the war that continues, like Groundhog’s Day, attempting to have the perfect day.

3 February 2026

My queen has been sick, the whole house has dealt with some sickness and I’ve heard people all over struggling to get over this one. I postulate that a cold, like flu, is a human’s natural reaction to a cold temperature. We had a day swing down 50 degrees in one day last week, that’s going to slow people down and kick the body into antibody production. All that extra  exhaustion has me a little on the back foot. Usually I record my show on Sunday night and had to wait a day to get some rest. The recording seemed to go well, but 30 minutes of talking has my throat feeling a little rough. In more glorious news I finally got my gold gym equipment together. Thankfully I’m able to overhead press the new weights. I was worried they would actually weigh more than my old plates and after having put together this special gym that I wouldn’t be able to use it. On exercise and health, two ideas I think are important are lymph nodes and piezoelectric bones. The lymph system is to dispose waste in the body and runs along the circulatory system (blood). Unlike blood that is pumped by the hearth, lymph nodes are one way gates that use surrounding muscles to push forward. By lifting heavy weight uses more muscles to squeeze waste on it’s way. Piezoelectric effect is an electrical current created by stress on bones. The most abundant metal in the body is calcium, found in bones. During stress those little metal bits move past each other to create electricity. More stress on the bones, then more electricity created. It’s my belief these two ideas keep the body running smoothly.

A Path to Righteousness WAR ep 80

Crusader delves into the teachings of Jesus as presented in the Sermon on the Mount, focusing on the Beatitudes and the moral imperatives that follow. The speaker reflects on the significance of humility, mercy, and righteousness, emphasizing the transformative power of love and the call to live a life that reflects the teachings of Christ. The discussion highlights the importance of intentions behind actions and the fulfillment of the law through Jesus’ teachings.

30 January 2026

I received an achievement from Word Press, the site that hosts my website. The achievement was for posting three days straight, this must be a new thing because I’ve certainly had a three day streak before. Regardless, it’s a welcome addition by giving me some sort of goal on writing. I started writing daily around 2019 for personal health and after so long I ask myself why continue. The same problem exists for physical exercise, after years of health it seems like health happens naturally. Only after we stop and decay has happened are the problems noticeable, and sometimes no longer fixable. The specifics of the goal don’t matter to me, only that there is something to chase and keep distracted from questioning myself. Writing when I feel like is fine for me, but now I want to see how high the number can go and what effects it might have. On Sundays I’ve rested, as sabbath means rest and now I’ll have to figure out something to post on Sunday to keep the streak possibly going over a week. Maybe I’ll try some poetry or creative writing on Sunday, it could be a continuation of my novel. Along with trying to get my work in order, I set up my blog to post automatically onto substack and that reminds me that I’ll need to get X and Threads set up to cover all bases; in time. Setting things up for the first time takes significant energy, then most things I’m able to anonymize. 

29 January 2026

When I am the strongest, I will feel the weakest. Yesterday when getting in bed my throat was starting to close up like cold. During the day I had a lot of great lifts in my gym. Another five pounds was added to my barbell and I was able to press it overhead, making it my new personal best. Soon I’ll be switching to the gold gym with gold barbell and gold plates. While the number for weight of these items will be the same, the reality will likely be different. My current set up is the cheapest I could put together. That means a plate might say, “45 lbs” and be closer to 44. Add that margin of error to every plate and I’m left thinking I can lift more than I can. Nicer equipment is likely to be more accurate, so I don’t want to get these new weights only to find I can’t lift them. That’s why I increased my weight yesterday and it was a great press, it felt easier than heavier lifts. At 37, I’m finally learning how to use my body. About 4 years ago, I figured out how to do a proper push up. At little after that I understood how to engage my glutes to perform a proper squat. Lately, I’ve been doing squats with a focus on quadriceps. Muscles only pull and are strongest when pulling in a straight line. I’m understanding how the bones need to move so that the muscles are positioned correctly. What I noticed with quad focused squats is I usually pop off the ground at the top. That momentum is what I need to harness to improve my overhead press.