While running at the gym this week, I had to stop to catch my breath. Ok, I probably didn’t “have to”, but I was feeling sluggish and it’s better to be healthy with slow improvements than attempt a big feat and be on the disabled list for a couple days. After my breather, I got back on the treadmill to continue running, then towards the end of my workout one of the children care givers found me because the baby had a potty, so it may have been for the best. Who knows what condition I would have been in when I needed to switch back to dad mode if I hadn’t taken a breather. All of that combined to feel like an underwhelming work out, everyday can’t be better than the last, these challenges are part of the journey. The master has failed more times than the apprentice has tried. Avoiding failure means never trying again and that is a worse fate. While running I’ve been listening to 50 Cent’s audiobook Hustle Harder Hustle Smarter, I started listening to audiobooks a couple years ago while I was mowing the lawn, during the Summer I mow a couple hours a week. Then when the baby was born there were endless nights of rocking her to sleep, it was nice to have a story going in one ear as I sat in a dark room. I don’t know much about 50 Cent, there’s a couple radio hits I’m familiar with and I know he’s created a persona on Instagram. I’ve mostly followed him from a businessman perspective, over the years interviews with 50 have come across my way, especially when Eminem is in them. The personality I connect with is the one trying to improve, even if he finds success in one area then he’s going to branch into something new. There’s always more to be found if we keep going.
12 December 2023
We’re now less than two weeks away from Christmas. My plan for the end of the year is coming along, yesterday I finished a how to book on podcasting that my brother gave me. He’s going to be a cohost when we start the show next year. The next book I’m reading is Mark Twain’s Joan of Arc. I’ve always been interested in Joan, maybe because her and archangel Micheal, another favorite, are the primary artistic figures in Christianity depicted in suits of armor waging war. An issue I take with the book I’ve got is on the back cover it says Twain’s real name and to me that’s wrong, if he wanted to be known by that name he would have used it. Twain is a writer, making a living with words and he penned “Mark Twain” for the character he played, so changing that name is to make his story worse. It’s been awhile since I’ve read any Twain, of course I’ve read the adventures of Tom and Huck along with a couple shorter stories. Reading an english writer is always a pleasure as they are the high bar I reach for. Starting Joan of Arc I felt Twain was using a lot of flowery language to the point that the book would probably be a third of the length without it. As I thought on the language used, I succumb to it’s beauty, the reason english writers are special is that it’s my native tongue and only through reading experts on that language will my vocabulary and prose expand. There’s a lot to analyze and I’m only in the first few pages, but I take comfort knowing I’m in Mark Twain’s hands. The other American author that comes to mind in comparison is Ernest Hemingway, his style is more of a blunt blast while Twain is akin to flowing down the lazy river.
11 December 2023
I spoke to my cousin yesterday, it may be the first time ever we’ve had an adult conversation. Age is tough to understand, everyone is constantly an age they’ve never been, constantly becoming someone they weren’t before. An expression I like is that a person can’t be a prophet in their hometown, the reason being because those that grew up around that person see them as their younger self and not who they’ve become. What was nice about my conversation was we were getting to know each other’s grown selves, putting aside the past. It doesn’t matter if someone used to fill their mouth with hotwheels, hopefully they’ve stopped before turning 18 and if they’ve stopped it doesn’t happen anymore so it isn’t accurate to pair a personality with what they used to do. Another expression my wife shared recently was if your local mall is still trying, then so should you. Now the mall near you may not actually being trying, but the sentiment is the same and I didn’t want to name my local mall. The idea is that malls had a pivotal part in culture, if nothing was happening on a Friday or Saturday night, we could always go to the mall and it would be packed with excitement. Malls started to disappear possibly as all brick and mortar stores disappeared. The homogenous nature of super stores such as Walmart and Amazon took away the burden of shopping, with it went the excitement and discovery in walking through a store. Pretty frequently I see people online asking for book recommendations, there used to be stores that only sold books, a person would curate what books go on display then anyone walking into the store would see a list of book recommendations then could actually look inside the book before buying, and look at more than a couple pages too!
8 December 2023
This was a good week, lots was accomplished from fence building to fence deconstructing. The struggle has been baby had a bit of a fever, she’s been in good spirits the whole time though yesterday it was a hard to get her to eat anything. By the time dinner rolled around she hadn’t eaten a proper meal, so I had to bring out my secret technique of hand feeding the baby. This technique also saved my dog when the baby was first born. When we brought the baby home, our dog was upset to not be the center of our attention anymore and he went on a hunger strike. After a couple days we took him to the vet and he was cleared of any sickness, they gave him an IV and it was up to me to restart his belly. I had put chicken, rice and broth in a blender turning it into a nutritious mush. While both the dog and baby would turn their heads at food, when I’d get some food in their mouths they were quite agreeable. Hopefully last night’s dinner will be enough to get the baby’s appetite going and we can have a normal breakfast. It’s been a long week with the baby feeling under the weather, we chose to keep her home from daycare though she was still allowed to get some Christmas photos there. Despite normal life issues I’d been able to make progress on my goals. Deciding to change our moving plans earlier flipped a switch in my head, I know how much work there is to do to get to that point and that it must be chipped away at regularly if we’re to do it on time. The good news is the harder I work the stronger I become, in theory at least, I pray it continues.
7 December 2023
Accompany alchemy how can we in the attack committee seek blasphemy. Fire, water, and air are the elements, right? Maybe earth, 3+4=7 nothing looks as sturdy as the house; a triangle on a square. There has to be a tip of the triangle and majority base to the square. Where are we in the hierarchy, the human wants to know. Every piece is beautiful because together they make the whole, the big doesn’t exist without the small. I say we must run towards the light. If “to be or not to be” is the question, then be. Everyday be. Here Shakespeare said it best as he said everything best as he invented our language. Tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows than to sleep. One day I will be broken, but it is not this day so I must rage on. I did 50 pull ups yesterday, that was my 100 push up equivalent, I’m pleased that it went according to plan and see a bright future for my lats. Not too long ago I found my self always feeling exhausted at 5 consecutive pull ups. Frustrated at hitting a ceiling I told myself that 5 was no longer an acceptable number, that if I were to stop then I would have to pay a toll, in more pull ups, either as negatives or by taking a breather and continuing. The result was four sets of 10 repetitions, but 50 consecutive is the mountain I seek. Never tell me the odds, all work towards that goal makes a positive impact on my health, discouragement is equal to physical harm. I don’t mean to mince words unless I mean minced words like see at in the ha t. This has been good, the mind needs to stretch in different ways at times. There’s been talk about fast/slow twitch muscles and different muscle groups representing how our physical body moves. What are the ways of thinking that characterize how a human brain moves?
6 December 2023
Talking with my wife last night we decided it would be best to speed up our moving process. We’ll begin looking at houses and getting the paperwork together immediately. The next couple months will be hectic and for as much as I’ve changed to get here, I’ve got more to change to make this a reality. Mostly cleaning up, but if I were to change nothing from this point then my house would still be in better condition than when I bought it. Presentation is everything though, a buyer is essentially making their decision based on a first impression. Running through my head constantly are the lists of things I will need to do. I don’t want to clog my writing with these thoughts, but it’s my writing and these thoughts are me. At least it’s Winter and I don’t have to be mowing the lawn on top of everything. Writing down lists is helpful to clear the head, whenever something is stressful and the mind is stuck in loops, write down as much as possible. The rest of December will be spent preparing paperwork, as early as January 2nd I could see us traveling to the new destination to look at houses. With us moving to a fairly secluded area and wanting a lot of land, that puts us into a niche market. There might be a couple houses coming on the market now, but most of what we’ll be looking at will have sat for awhile already. Bing bang boom to get us under contract for a new place and that’s when the clean up of our old place will have to heat up. I remember how frustrating it was waiting for the paperwork to close on my current house, but this time I’ll be too busy to worry about that.
5 December 2023
Lately, I’ve been running more as an attempt to lose weight. At the beginning of the year my weight was getting higher than I’d like, that’s when I began my pursuit of 100 push ups in a day. Combined with Summer, being active put me at a comfortable weight. The goal for push ups is now to do 100 consecutive push ups and I’ve been getting into pull ups too. The best way to get my numbers up is to make every repetition lighter. Running has it’s own difficulties, it’s a high impact activity so my joints and especially my back have a soreness different than what my muscles get. In time any pain should fade into background noise, that will require consistency though. Getting up and going to the gym has been the biggest hurdle in the past, it’s made easier with the baby, taking her there serves as an activity then I just find a way to stay busy. The need for consistency gives my body time to adapt, putting up with the pain will make it go away one day and avoiding exercise because of the pain will make the next session harder. Raising the baby has made me more resilient, the Army was tough, but for the most part we were able to take legally required breaks. The baby takes no breaks and continues to transform into a heavier weight that wishes to be carried. I imagine the phoenix when I think about who I was before and after the kid, the excesses were burned off, in a similar sense making every repetition lighter. Things I don’t have time or energy for were removed so that I can better do my job as Dad.
4 December 2023
A lot happened this weekend, most annoyingly another car drove into my fence. It was the first rain we’ve gotten in awhile and they crashed close to 9 PM. Whenever I find out a teenage boy was behind the wheel, I sort of shrug, what am I going to do? I remember my dangerous driving as a young lad, though it did prepare me for combat driving. Cars are phenomenally powerful, the distances and speed they cover while the passengers rest sitting is unnatural. Getting a car is probably the first taste of power for a lot of people and it can be overwhelming. Mostly of the proudly bad drivers I’ve met have been physically underwhelming people, protect them in a metal box that goes 100 mph and suddenly they become Superman. The sentiment is one I stay on guard towards, control the ego. I am not the car, nor any of the possessions I own. The fence was the sad side of my weekend, but there was more good than bad, it was a beautiful case study in how we could have a day filled with joy only to have a slight negative at the end, despite best efforts my body wants to focus on the negative. Hopefully I’ll fix the fence tomorrow in a couple hours with spare wood I’ve already got. More importantly my baby girl met Santa for the first time this weekend. She did better than expected, usually it’s tears from the start, however Santa worked his magic with a little stuffed elf and a toy to bring the baby back. After that we got some food in the mall with my wife and her mom, my favorite moment was watching my daughter sitting in a high chair eating her food when she decided it was time for more and reached onto the table grabbing a nugget out of the box. She’s a rockstar.
1 December 2023
It’s the first of December and Christmas decorations are up, there wasn’t as much as I thought, I was able to carry the box of decorations on my own. We’ve been getting real trees the last couple years since there’s a nice market down the street that sells trees, it’s nice that we don’t have to store a tree year round. My Army buddies are excited to visit again for for Christmas, it’s what got me in the spirit to decorate. I haven’t gotten to the level of decorating the outside yet, I’m sure that will be a box onto itself someday. With only the inside decorated it can be hard to get motivated and feels more like a chore to do because it’s that time of the year, only to have the chore of clean up at the end of the month. It’s easier to do a task for someone else than for ourselves, turning that attention inward feels selfish, but outwardly it feels like helping. A lot of people begin to lack self care with this thinking and see it as a virtue when their life is falling apart, justified in their caring of others. It’s not selfish to be the best version of yourself possible and in that pursuit we serve others. No person is an island, we’re a connected web and the decisions we make, big and small, effect those around us. Walking around a decorated house leads to Christmas songs playing in my head, a sense of cheer which changes my interaction with everyone I encounter, that’s how despite only me seeing the decorations they have an effect on the outside world. People are quick to think because they can’t see a connection in the now, there might not be one, we must believe our actions matter.
30 November 2023
The end of November marks the real beginning of the Christmas season. With Thanksgiving being so early in the month there was a nice lull in activities this week. The hustle and bustle is starting up again, I ended up getting a lot of the decorations out and about yesterday, it always feels nice to transform the house for a little bit. December is also the home stretch of the year, any big projects should have already been completed and it’s time to make plans for next year. While this year had it’s share of adventures, next year is shaping up to be even wilder. We’ll probably be moving next year and hopefully upgrading to a bigger plot of land. The last time I stopped doing my blog was because I had just bought this house and the amount of work that needed to get done was beyond my childish comprehension. Speaking of, I had never in my life considered having a child before moving out here, it wasn’t until we got established and life began to get quiet that I sought to mix things up. The internal change those decisions sparked was that I seek out those disturbances as I’m getting comfortable for continued development. I know taking on more responsibility makes life more difficult, but I akin that thinking to adding weight makes the bar heavier; I want to lift heavier weight. When I was in highschool we learned about the renaissance and a “renaissance man”. Afterwards I wrote down a list of what I needed to learn to be a renaissance man. That list is long gone, but I’m satisfied in who I’ve become, there’s even a number of activities from reading to music that I didn’t think I had any hope in. After decades of accomplishing goals, I don’t see any limit on what I can achieve, slow and steady wins the race.
Chris' Morning Pages 