Squeaking in at the end of the day, I don’t know where to begin, I just have so many thoughts. I’m thinking about pursuing a career as a painter. Really not much would change about my life, but a ton would change about how I see myself. In that BBBS interview it seemed like the woman was under the impression that I was a painter. Maybe not that I am a painter, but that I would call myself a painter. I don’t know why that’s such a big deal for me. I have business cards that say “Woodworker” on them, why is it so hard to make “Painter” ones?
My wife and I started watching this show called “His Dark Materials”. It’s based on the book trilogy that is called the golden compass. In it the people have demons which are basically them being followed around by their spirit animal. A person’s demon doesn’t take a permanent shape until later in life. That is why this painter thing is such a big deal to me, it’s what I want to do, it’s what I want to be called. I know it means a lot of work still, I’d like to try to do the work, I just need someone to help me stay on the right track.
This also relates to Jordan Peterson talking about Peter Pan. It was definitely on my mind last weekend hanging out with the guys last weekend that Peter Pan is in charge of the lost boys. Also that Peter is afraid to grow up. There are things you lose when you grow up, but things you can’t have as a child. He never gets to know true love for example. Then there’s also that I am supposed to be the “good influence” on a kid soon. There are certain things in life I want to make sure I’m doing if I were to call myself a good influence. I think I’m ready for this stuff, I want the challenges I think they bring, I guess I’m just scared because it puts my fate in the world’s hands instead of mine.