I Suppose You’re Looking for Me?

No idea what this is or where I got it, but by the look of it I thought I could put it in some dirt and it’d survive. It worked.

I don’t know what you want from me morning pages, I’m tired and I don’t feel like writing this. How much longer can we keep this up. It’s about to be the end of November. I started writing these on the first of January this year, so soon I will have gone a whole year and I’ve probably missed less than 10 days. That will probably make this the most successful commitment I’ve ever made. That feels a little sad to me and I don’t want to go down a sad road because I know when I’m tired that’s where my mind wants to take me, but damn why am I so bad at sticking with things. It makes me think that I should have stayed in the Army because there I could follow through. If I didn’t, there were serious consequences and I know that’s been a factor in my life ever since. In the Army, something as small as your socks no being lined up would be treated like the end of the world. Outside, basically nothing matter. My attitude has been, “What happens if I do this?” Usually nothing happen. That’s why I end up thinking why bother, no matter what I do it’s just going to be another day. I guess that’s life though, I’m gonna keep waking up, somedays will be fun and exciting and for some I’ll just exist. I also feel like I can’t deal with consequences anymore, maybe it’s something I need and being lost without them for years leads me to treat everything as end of the world scenarios, but I guess that’s what I said was good about the Army. I don’t know I’m just going in circles, I need to get somewhere. I don’t know where though, so I can’t make moves. Another good thing about the Army, you’re told when and where to be. Thanks for listening, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Oh yeah it’ll be Thanksgiving, woo.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: