Soaking Wet Boots

Good morning pages, I don’t even know where to begin. I didn’t go to my woodworking class today, I have to sort out a bunch of thoughts with that because I don’t know what to do. I know what I’m going to do and that’s stop going, but when am I going to stop. A couple of weeks ago is when I realized that I don’t feel the same way about anything as I do painting, so that’s where my focus should be at. After that realization happened I just felt like every second at the woodworking school was a waste of time. Even now it’s wasting my time because it’s weighing on my mind. I think the smartest thing to do for my future would be to let them know that I’m done with the school and not coming back. I haven’t done that and planned to go to class today because I feel like I’m quitting. Basically it’s quitting on someone else’s dream, so why should I care, but it’s quitting none the less and that feels bad. 

After not going to class and sleeping in, it felt good to have that time to relax, but emotionally I felt like a loser. That this is another thing I failed at. I don’t know why I put that burden on myself, that failing at this some how matters, or even that it makes me a failure for knowing I don’t want to be there and going somewhere else. That’s what I should be doing, but something in me holds me back from making that jump. Perhaps because I’ve made that sort of jump so many times in my life and I feel like jumping too quickly holds me back. It’s just a matter of knowing when something isn’t for me. I’ve left painting classes because I knew I couldn’t work with the teacher and that didn’t mean I quit painting. I guess you’ll find out the exciting conclusion tomorrow when I either go back to finish the semester or give my resignation.

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