Sorry I wasn’t here for you yesterday morning pages, it was mainX24, so you should have expected this. I was so excited yesterday that I managed to leave the house, take an Uber down to main st., and get out of the car before I realized I was still wearing my house slippers. I don’t know how that happened. Drives me zanny, on one hand it should be good that it forced me to act not according to a schedule, but I think that was a test I didn’t do too well on. It’s hard for me to adjust what I’m doing if I had my head set on doing one thing. For hours later and even still I was think in loops about how I left home in slippers. I don’t know, probably best to ignore it and let the thoughts and feelings fade from memory a bit since the thoughts I have about it aren’t constructive.
Yesterday was a good day for me in as far as taking care of personal business before having fun. Without an alarm clock my body woke me up as 5:30 am. I didn’t mind too much since I was feelings refreshed. There’s some sort of scale on how awake I am when I wake up and sometimes I immediately know I won’t be able to go back to sleep, so I got up, had a little food and started drawing. After I got my daily goal out of the way, I went to the gym. This all happened so fluidly, it’s what I’ve wanted for my life for so long that honestly I thought it was impossible or just not for me. I feel like I have to recalibrate my life because this isn’t the way I live, but if I were to describe what I think a typical day for me is I would probably spend most of that time wallowing in despair that my life is pointless. It’s really wild how much I currently benefit from the practice of fake it till you make it. If I encounter something scary, I’ll just keep on working as though there’s nothing there at all and the scary things almost disappear on their own. To me that’s the power of a positive mindset.