Try and Stop Me

Good evening pages, sorry I’ve been writing you so lately. I just haven’t really had my heart in writing these. I fear any day now that I will stop doing it. On one hand I think that I don’t need to do this, it’s just another bore. I guess that’s a childish attitude. I’ll try and stick with it, I’m sure I’m just going through a dry spell and I feel really tired with my schedule of activities. As soon as I make a schedule I begin thinking I’m being choked by it and I can’t do anything else in my life because I must complete the schedule. My brain is a mess, it’d be great to be a machine. Type in the program and execute. Will I really be able to write this everyday for the rest of my life? What will I talk about, what have I been talking about for a year. It’s just my inner monologue. 

I’ve got a real problem with failure, I don’t know why as soon as thinks get the slightest difficulty or I have a little failure that I want to abandon ship. I wish I knew what to do, the one thing I do know is that writing morning pages are good for me, you’re writing a journal and it’s the first time you’ve been able to get this habit to stick for more than a couple days, why not keep it going? I’m just tired and I need to study hands. I’ve got a lot of hands to draw, I’d like to draw more heads as well, This is my life now, drawing heads and hand and people and things. Drawing drawing drawing. ABD always be drawing. We’re pretty close to 300 now and should be in the clear by the time I finish.

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