Bulldozer a Soldier

Imagine how deadly that path to the right is

I went to the suicide hotline’s chat page just now. This virus thing is suffocating and I feel like there’s nothing I can do. Not nothing I can do about sick people, but nothing I can do with my life. That is why I think this quarantine is more dangerous than people getting sick. When I start feeling like this, step one is I go for a walk. When I get to a certain threshold, walking doesn’t help. Now I’m thinking, what are my other options, I could reach out to some of the people I’m friends with, maybe go to a movie. Oh wait, I can’t go anywhere but my house and it’s frowned upon to be around people. I need to get out of the house because the house is now home to these thoughts and being here will continue to drag me down. Where do I go? Can’t even go to the park because they’ve blocked it off with signs and caution tape. The outside is cancelled. Hope you enjoyed it while it was there. I don’t want to talk to a person on the hotline because I’m just going to cry and hang up, making me feel worse. I might go to the ER to talk to someone, doing that means I hit a certain low. Knowing that I’ve hit that low hurts my overall mental, so I’ll try to fight it off. That’s why I’m writing this, hopefully getting these thoughts out will help because I’m having these arguments in my head with pro quarantine people who aren’t considering the damage they’re doing to me. Then I’m stuck in a loop that depresses and angers me. I joined the Army out of a mentality that you help the person who is more likely to survive and my whole world is acting like it’s better keep a snowflake from melting than a town from freezing to death. These are just my thoughts, no one else has to think them and I don’t care what anyone has to say about them.

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