Time to sing the blues

I’m on the wagon today, so maybe my writing might seem a little different. I have this feeling, I feel uncertainty about my life because I don’t know when my next high will be? That’s not a place I would like to be living in. I started playing Minecraft today, I last played it during their beta testing. It’s a good way to burn a lot of time, one of my friends is also trying to set up a server, so maybe we’ll be hanging online some more. This is gonna be a difficult month if I want it to be. I know so much of what I’m feeling right now is in my head, but I don’t like that it’s in my head. Back when I used to play that kid’s game and was in fact a kid, I didn’t have these thoughts and feelings. Did I not have them or did I not have words to express them? Intoxicants help to handle life. Whenever I start to think about it, I talk myself back off the wagon. I don’t know what is the right decision, but I need to wait a month before I can try to buy land. I’d rather waste time with video games than drugs. Part of me wonders if I can still waste time with video games, of course I can, I did today. One day can be done by accident, day five and six will be the tough cookies, they always are. Day seven brings about the accomplished feeling of going a week and the first couple days I can push through. Internally I’m conflicted between knowing that I need to wait and not knowing what I’m doing with my life. I know what I’m doing, I don’t know why my body has to bully me. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, hopefully my head will stop spinning.

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