Take time off till 10 hundred

Macro shot of my orchid

This morning felt like I was hit by allergies hard because after breakfast I had to go back to bed. I knew I needed good sleep too, because usually for a nap I don’t put my mask and nose plugs in, but this morning I did. Yesterday was a really good day for Chris, shoot I was probably on the verge of painting. I started the morning reading my house building book, had breakfast, went grocery shopping and transitioned into Tolstoy’s A Confession. That book has got some powerful ideas in it that I wish I was exposed to when I was younger. Some time after returning from Iraq, my friend’s suicide and divorcing my ex, I gave up on religion. There was a degree of feeling I’ve been tricked, like I was still believing in Santa Claus. The larger picture was probably I was beaten down by evil and accepted defeat. Naturally, I then became evil. Now, I’ve always aspired to be like King Author’s knights and I’ve been pretty successful, so I know when I’m bad it’s still good for most people, but it’s bad to me. While evil I destroyed everything around me because, why not, I was strong enough to do it, it’s fun to kick a sandcastle, and I didn’t care about repercussions. Part of destroying things was becoming a militant atheist that would try and convince people to abandon their religion. I can out argue most people, so I’m sorry for what I did to their perceptions. Tolstoy can out argue me, if I had read this book then maybe things would have been different. There were other good minds around at the time making arguments that would have dismantled mine that I didn’t expose myself to, now I think I didn’t want to find them; didn’t want to be proven wrong. Everyone should be on guard that there is information they avoid.

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