28 December 2023

The Army boys had a fight yesterday, these are guys that can be carelessly disrespectful because the average person would be scared to stand up to them. They also will not stand for a sliver of disrespect so when they lock horns no one is willing to back down. This is when I have to put on my crown and make kingly proclamations, for anyone looking to build their own kingdom this may be useful to learn about. People think being king is the luxurious life of sitting on the throne and why does one person deserve special treatment? The king is the tip of the pyramid yet any piece of the foundation can bring the whole structure down. Someone has to keep the whole together because when there is peace over time people get bored and start acting for themselves. The memory on a person can be worse than a goldfish, they think things are good now, it must have happened on its own and will continue forever. No, if you’re warm and fed it’s because someone provide heat and food, just because the guiding hand is invisible doesn’t mean we are free to act in any way we choose. I’ve banished people from my kingdom in the past and if anyone crosses the line of acceptable behavior I have no problem sending them into the desert to make their own home. To fix an argument first people have to calm down, of course these are men that were paid to be as aggressive as possible and that brings its own challenge, basically I have to be willing to take a punch in the face and not get mad. Then they need to be reminded of the community we serve, without which we would have nothing and to not throw that away. Then it’s only a matter of getting people to talk, not everyone writes a blog and will need help expressing themselves. I can see the situation from an areal view and put each party’s feelings into words to begin the process.

27 December 2023

We went to the neighbors yesterday to see Christmas decorations, show the Army boys come cool stuff and say goodbye to my neighbors. They’re upset that we’re moving since they’ve had nothing but back luck from the previous occupants of my house. They offered to keep me updated on the trees, a sad reality is the next owner could cut them all down. The other day I was pulling up my drip irrigation that’s used to water the trees, years of work pulled up in an afternoon. As I leave I take with me the knowledge and experience gained from working the land, what happens next isn’t my problem. I will have my hands full of my own problems. We didn’t need to borrow the tractor as the Army boys have almost finished pulling up the fence poles. Today we’ll work on moving the heavy furniture downstairs.

26 December 2023

Christmas went well, I don’t know how much writing I’ll be able to get done before New Years with the Army boys visiting. They’re on a night schedule and I’m used to early morning rising so we end up staying up later than I’m used to. This week we’ll also have a lot going on as I’ll make good use of the extra pair of hands, they’ll even be able to take some of the stuff I’d rather not move to the new place. It’s been a month since the guys visited for Thanksgiving, there’s a strange feeling old friends have like you’re never away from them. There were years, maybe close to a decade where some of us didn’t see or speak to each other, but when we come together it’s we never left. Being around people from a younger age tends to make people act like their younger self, it’s good for us as our younger selves were training and doing manual labor all the time. I can see in them that we’re getting older though, it’s hard to see ourselves age, but with the gaps between seeing them I can notice more subtle changes. Yesterday was the first time I noticed one of them having a little stomach, it’s normal and expected for someone pushing 40, but my whole life these guys have been PT studs. PT means physical training, it’s the word the Army uses for exercise and it just mean they’ve always been physically fit. They can still out compete 99% of people, there’s more to the story of what makes a life. Watching all three of us with the baby is a little confusing because the circumstance we met were so different. This time will be good to explore who we are. 

Christmas 2023

Today marks the birth of our savior; 2023 years ago. Have humans come far enough in that time? I like to say we’re preparing the Earth for the second coming of Jesus. 2023 years later we’re still celebrating his birth, the second coming is looking to the future. The world should look a certain way and people should behave themselves in preparation, a way to let out the red carpet. Gold, frankincense and myrrh, what does that mean? Today is a good day to read the Bible. As we lead up to today I felt like this was the first holiday since the pandemic shut things down. I know there’s technically been others, but there was a spirit in the air I haven’t felt for a couple years. People even seemed to have a renewed energy, that we’re moving on towards a brighter future, one where everyone is a little less divisive. I plant trees to provide food where there otherwise is nothing, it’s useful to think we are on spaceship Earth. Switching perspective from the open outdoors to a closed capsule helps to see the Earth and all it’s woes as our problem. There’s no where else and only humans to do the job. I guess it’s unclear what that job is as it’s unclear how to live a good life, providing those answers I think it’s the point of the Bible. The specifics are nuanced, complex, and different for everyone, it’s something to be discovered rather than told but I’ll do my best for a short time. Humans can have faith, we are conscious of our present and that there will be a future. We take the knowledge of a future and faith that things can get better and each day work towards the goal that reveals itself.

22 December 2023

We’ve finally made it to the last weekday before Christmas. All I want for Christmas is sleep, it will be exciting to take in Christmas through my baby’s eyes. She bursts out laughing in the car and dinner table, so Christmas should get some reaction. Some of the presents I got are big foam shapes, we have some already, and a large gym mat for tumbling. My plan is on Christmas eve to pack up all the baby toys and turned the play area into a soft jungle gym, she loves to climb and roll. Then my Army buddies will be visiting which will be a tornado on it’s own. They might be helping a lot with cleaning up my house which would be good, even if we lay around playing video games that would be good rest. At some point I promised the neighbor I’d bring the baby over to see Christmas lights, he also has an M1 Garand I wouldn’t mind seeing again before I leave. People make strange connections with weapons of the past, history in general is an interesting relationship since at the end of the day history is just a story. The separation between history and fiction would be as much evidence as can be gathered, even then I see it as a story unless the events happened to that person in which case it’s not history but their life events. The present won’t know what events will be labeled historic in the future and in my lifetime I’ve witness historic events removed like Columbus day only to then realize judging the past with modern standards makes no sense. Maybe Columbus day will come back someday, I reject any policy that gives people less holidays in a year, to most people holidays are a day without work and that is worth celebrating.

21 December 2023

Freud said everything is connected to everything. It’s a simple phrase that offers continued insight. The same is true for humans, no man is a mountain, we depend on the support of those around us and our decisions have consequences that can echo for generations. I am trying to build something that my support system can be proud of, that can also support them. Straying from that plan will alter the trajectory of my daughter’s life. My best friend in grade school came from a broken home. When I look back on it now, it was a very troubled house. There were burn marks on the carpet, the common areas filled with trash that never went out to the curb and everyone lived in their own room. Each person put their individual desires over the needs of the community and the surrounding environment crumbled. My friend would sleep over so often eventually my parents let him live at our house. I never thought much of it, he needed a place to stay and we helped him. Fast forward to the recent past, when my Army friend was kicked out of the Army with nothing and no where to go, he lived with me and my wife until he got back on his feet. After that my mother in law got sick, we took her in like everyone else. I’d cook her eggs every morning, take her to physical therapy, and she got better. All of those people are now living good lives, my childhood friend is clean from heroine and happy with a job managing a restaurant. My mother in law is healthier than I’ve ever seen her, and my Army friend has even taken in his nephew who comes from a broken family. There’s a teenage boy being cared for today because my parents cared for a teenage boy 20 years ago, it couldn’t have been planned but happens because we are all connected.

20 Decemeber 2023

Things need to slow down so we can enjoy the holidays, my body is running on fumes and candy at this point. Yesterday was below freezing and I was outside trying to pull up fence poles, then went inside to work on the house and it seemed like nothing I did worked. Often I talk to my wife about the dangers of “tired brain”. The phrase first entered my vernacular when the baby was born and the first month is probably the most tired people ever get, remember I was a sergeant in the infantry, I know tired. At that level of tired the body is going to make mistakes like everything has been moved two inches to the left. The mind when tired tends to turn into a negative place. There’s a long list of things to do and when tired brain looks at it all seems hopeless. My wife and I have many conversations saying we need to do this, and that, and those, then we have to end the conversation with a reminder that everything is good. A to-do list can seem like a list of what’s wrong, the tired brain takes it personal, but there’s nothing wrong we’re just working down the list. It’ll be nice to get some recovery time, after the holidays things can go crazy again. Exercising has been suspended until a later date, there’s plenty of physical activity around the house. We got a second trash can to help clean up, when I was pushing them back from the curb, up hill, I could feel the workout. Exercise is good to stay healthy, but an active lifestyle is better. In the gym weight lifting is about maintaining good form, pretending the weights are on rails, real life is where free weights are found. 

19 November 2023

I heard someone use the word “Gucci” to mean something like okay or good. The first time I heard this word/phrase combo was in college some fellows invited me to a type of bar, I wanted to verify if I needed to be of a certain persuasion to go. They asked if I was 21, producing my ID made me Gucci. Hearing the word in continued use after such a long time requires a longer look. 10 years is a fairly long time for a word to be in circulation by my estimates and it’s probably not fair to call it a word, but closer to slang. There are people who have degrees claiming their expertise to define “word” and “slang”, to which I would say the world is mind. There’s been plenty of slang I can remember not lasting a year such as “Wassup?” and I hardly ever hear the Fonz’ signature “ayy” anymore. Gucci is a fun word to say, if you’re only ever reading this in your head or speed reading, that would be losing the trees to the forest. Language uses senses beyond the consensus, beyond the five often listed. What sense is the voice in your head that reads silently? Words are seen, heard, said, and even felt. Movies, music, and theater intend for people to feel something. Another aspect can even be the shared experience, there’s a difference between being in the crowd at a Queen concert and listening to their recording. People are willing to make pilgrimage expecting it to be a lifetime event. Before the moment it’s known that the future will be changed by this, the present is true to form and afterwards it’s a fond memory. The answer I’m circling is the word we have for what sense words touch is “soul”. When one becomes Gucci their soul is changed.

18 December 2023

The future is me, I had to turn away from some current events to keep my self image pure. We went in search of houses last weekend, the travels went as well as we could hope with only one slight emergency. No one needed to go to the hospital and we found a house we liked, I’ll take it. There’s lots of land, at least three times as much as I’ve got now. There’s a pool, which I see pools completely different after my experiences with my current house. The name I’ve used for my current house was the Coop De Villa and the slated name for next place is Christopia. Pray all goes well, it will be an interesting shift from my current land holdings. Most of the new place is shaded and flat where as I have a big hill that’s mostly grass. There’s so much to juggle at once, this is the up rooting, the balance of dismembering our old life and assembling in a new city while living in the day to day with the baby. Writing this is a way for me to focus each morning on what I need to do that day. The difficulty is a lot of times I’ll be waiting for someone else before I can do a step, my waiting time tasks need to be packing everything I can get my hands on into boxes. I saved a lot of Amazon boxes in a shed that I will bring up for use. When I’m physically able to there are a number of chain link fence poles in concrete that need to be pulled up. If there’s an opportunity to asked the neighbor for his tractor, I’ll take it. He offered before and we’re bringing the baby over to see Christmas decorations, hopefully we’ll stay friends even though I’m leaving.

15 December 2023

I need to channel strength of a nation that will conquer for 1,000 ages, Leto’s peace. The worm. I’m thinking now of the fourth book in the Dune series. The whole reason I wanted to consume the material was that the ideas were so outlandish that it would expand my consciousness, and there’s no way to know what’s in them without experiencing them. The next Dune movie is likely to make a cultural splash. My speculation on the West’s future is a return to religion. There was some wild stuff that happened when people divided themselves into countless groups and I think people are looking to sit out from that. Roots for a new generation are being planted. There’s pain associated with moving as it is a literal uprooting. In my experience it takes three years before a replanted tree starts to really grow. When I lived in Texas about 10 years ago I wrote a bucket list and one item was to keep a plant alive for 5 years. That plant was a pecan tree I started from seed, there was a Texas tree seed pack with maybe 100 seeds for $10. Trees are exponentially more expensive and cheaper on the extremes of age. With the pecan seed it has to be roughed up to trigger the growth process, that comes in the form of boiling the seed a short time or scratching with sandpaper. Then the seed must be overwintered as a critter might do, I put the abrasive seeds in a ziplock bag filled with moist soil. Those bags sat in my refrigerator for a couple months, then I planted the new saplings in pots. One of those pecan trees was planted at my current house and another at my last place. There’s nothing left in pots for me to take, I’m starting fresh.