The best part about me is I am not you

El Jaleo painted by John Singer Sargent in 1882

I try to stay humble because there’s no room for growth when you think things are as good as they can get, but I watched Good Will Hunting again recently and there’s a part when Matt Damon’s character says to Ben Affleck’s that he wants to be doing the same thing in 20 years. Ben says if he’s still here in 20 years, he’s going to beat Matt. The reason being that they’re surrounded by guys who wish they could be in Matt’s position, to throw it away is an insult to them. I should acknowledge and be grateful for everything I have. I wasn’t given opportunities that aren’t available to other people. My dad was a truck driver for over 30 years, I dropped out of school at 17 to join the Army. Joining the military is available to nearly every American, especially the infantry that has the lowest requirements. I did my work and made smart decisions. I had a plan for what I wanted my life to look like and made that happen. In my eyes the only problem with that plan was I accomplished my dreams before I turned 30. I still have a lot of life to live, so I decided to set more goals. 

I compare myself to titans of humanity and that makes me think I’m worse than I am. I’m not as good of a thinker as Nietzsche. I don’t have a body like Arnold. I can’t paint like Sargent. These people reached peaks of what is possible for a human and I will continue to compare myself to them so that I never stop improving. When I compare myself to the average person, I’m insulting them to say we’re equal. I’m not equal to the average person. I’m good looking and smart. I work hard and commit to long term goals. 

Yesterday I was sitting in my outdoor greenhouse, in the middle of winter at a warm 80 degrees, enjoying a cigar while listening to Bach. The act of having a cigar suggests your life is so stable that you can walk away for a bit to enjoy yourself and things will be fine. I was thinking if I had a magical power to create my life exactly as I wanted it, I couldn’t think of anything I don’t already have. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with my amazing wife, she’s even taking me to dinner and the symphony tonight. I’ve never met a more loving or well behaved dog then my own. I left the back gate open recently and he got out, before I knew he was gone he was scratching on the front door to be let back in. My mother in law joked that I bought a truck to transport mulch and she’s not wrong. I had the urge to do some gardening and could buy a new car without it effecting my finances. My days are spent exactly how I want to, chasing my dreams without having to take orders from any boss. I’m going to keep saying I’m not good enough so I can be better, but boi am I happy to be me.

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