The ice-capades of ‘24 are almost over, we made good use of the time yesterday getting some repairs done on the house. Some tiles needed caulking and I replaced a ceiling fan in the office. The old fan might have been from the original build since it had a 60’s look to it, but also it’s frailty. The reason I needed to replace the fan was that all of the previous fan blades had broken, one by one each fan broke by simply raising my hands. When taking off a shirt I’d lift my hands forgetting there’s something above my head, then smack and down falls a blade. That happened four times and we broke the remaining one intentionally. The replacement went about as well as I could hope, of course the circuit was turned off, but when I got in the ceiling and disconnected the wires there was an additional mystery white wire. I didn’t touch it though as I was pulling the old fan off the ceiling a small shot of electricity was transferred to me. No injuries were had and my wife gave good advice that we should wait until we aren’t stranded incase we need to go to the hospital, still I pushed on and got the job done. The reason we’re still unable to leave is our driveway is a big hill and everything is iced over, maybe today it will thaw and there should be rain tonight to help finish the job, then we return to normal. Part of me misses the snow as it is pretty and brings back memories of my snow job, but snow is a major inconvenience. Hot weather isn’t all sunshine, but it doesn’t stop me from walking down the driveway.
17 January 2024
Here down South we’re through the worst of it, this morning the temperature bottomed out at 6 degrees F. Some light searching last night showed the lowest temperature on record for our location was 9 degrees in 1889 and since our current house was built in 1969 this is likely the coldest it’s ever experienced. Thankfully nothing froze and I don’t see any new downed trees, the abandoned car across the street is still there. I’m definitely feeling a little stir crazy now, even without leaving the house I usually take a long walk around the property, but I’ve hardly stepped outside the last couple of days. Tomorrow should feel comfortable and in a couple days it’ll feel like Summer, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a 60 degree day before the end of the month. Today was scheduled to be the closing date on the new house, we’re still waiting on some paperwork from my wife’s new job so it’s been pushed back a week. I’m happy about the postponement since it gives me more time to pack. Everything with any value is ready to go, where the pain of moving strikes is with the little things, there’s cracks and crevices filled with junk, I mean our stuff. After we move there will be a fun sort of adventure where we’ll unpack the essentials and everything else will remain hidden for sometime. We’ll forget what’s in the boxes and then it can be like Christmas where we only get stuff we like. Organizing space is the main challenge, balancing that with having access to our stuff and the limited energy to do everything. My hope is to at least be settled before the grass starts growing.
16 January 2024
A large evergreen at the edge of my property had several limbs go down last night. They may have been around 20 feet long and heavy enough that I could barely drag them on top of the icy snow, the trees here may have never felt like this before and I’m hoping the ones I planted survive. When I looked to the neighbor’s yard there were two adult trees that appear to have completely fallen over, they were already struggling in an awkward spot. Across the street a car slid off the road and abandoned their vehicle, it’s still there as of noon today and may be there for days since it’s on a hill that is unlikely to be salted or plowed. Tonight the weather is supposed to drop into single digits fahrenheit, so the snow will be lasting longer than normal. Disasters are interesting, not that this is much of a disaster though I’m sure it is to those most effected. I’ve been through my share of extreme situations, we were living in Houston during hurricane Harvey when people were driving boats in the streets, we lost power in the Texas Summer. I’ve experienced just about every snow emergency, flying off the road, spinning completely around on a highway, and shoveling all night long. What’s interesting about disasters is people are always worrying about them, then when I experience something they’ve been hyping up, it’s seems like another series of events. Even being blown up with an IED, it was how I expected it and I reacted how I planned to. Other people might struggle to do what they plan when the chips are down, but I’m pretty good at staying emotionally detached and following instructions. Things may be falling apart, but that doesn’t matter as long as we’re sticking to the plan.
15 January 2024
Cold days are coming, the snow has been falling all morning where we are. My daughter got to experience snow for the first time, that’s wonder, it may be the last snow in awhile as we’re moving further South. The amount of snow we’ve already gotten is probably considered a blizzard for here. When the snow is falling I have to reminisce about my days at Fort Drum. Since getting out of the Army I’ve spend most of my time in the South, snow went from being a part of my everyday life to once every couple of years and I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen more than two inches of snow. One of my fondest memories is doing land navigation in about four feet of snow, even my tall self struggles to step out of that much snow. I’ve said before that I love land nav, walking through the woods combined with math. When the Army does land nav, they give a couple different coordinates and the soldier has to go to those places where there will be a little placard with a symbol or letters on it. We’d write down the symbols for the different locations and return back to base. The problem with the military is the hurry up and wait system, we’re often training for a certain amount of time rather than to complete a goal. When I returned with the answers to my coordinates, the sheet was graded, I was given new coordinates and sent back into the woods. It was at that time that I walked far enough in to not be seen and I made a little home for myself sitting and eating snow. Those were good times.
12 January 2024
I had to take yesterday off because I was sick with a sinus infection. The Army bro was leaving and the baby was at daycare so I slept as much as I could. It feels like I’m on the upswing now, still I’m taking it easy. For the last couple days I was working to put the brakes on things because I could feel myself getting sick and this time last year I was some of the sickest I’ve ever been and that dragged on for weeks, maybe months, because I couldn’t take the necessary time to rest. Looking forward it’s more the same, packing and cleaning everyday, the other half of the Army bros. will visit Sunday to take away more of our stuff. He’ll have a trailer to fit more on though he’s taking the ugly stuff like fence poles and a tiny shed rather than indoor furniture. Then I’ll figure out a way to get rid of what’s still floating around. There’s a bedroom dresser set my wife bought used as a teenage that takes up a lot of room, we don’t use it because they give the clothes inside a cedar smell. My wardrobe is so simple that everything I wear is kept in a Rubbermaid bin and when the clothes are dirty they go to the laundry bag. There are more complicated clothes I have that are already packed, I hardly wear any of it now. My lifestyle over the last couple years has adapted to be all about efficiency, I have the same T-shirt brand the Army used in 12 different colors and two pairs of jeans. Complicated clothing will be back in my life soon, I made a costume shirt for my podcast and making my own clothes is the route I’d prefer to take.
10 January 2024
One of the Army Bros. is visiting while packing up stuff we’re getting ride of. We are funny creatures, last night we drove to get some food and my buddy was on the phone with the girl he’s dating. It was an ear piece so I guess he was ok leaving it in while we talked and maybe she listened to the conversation. She asked if he’d ever been camping and that got a big laugh out of me. At a certain point what we did shouldn’t be called camping, making it hard to compare the two. We were living in the woods which seems like the basic definition of camping. We were living there though, that’s where things feel different, it was as if nothing was supposed to change whether we were in garrison or the field. The individual would pack their life in the bag they’ll carry and the unit equipment will go on the trucks, then set up where we land. Of course on days when we’re going out to the field the loading process is taking place between 2 and 4 AM. And we wouldn’t be mountain soldiers if our work wasn’t being done in negative temperatures. When I look back on that time I feels like an outsider looking in, that it couldn’t have been me in those situations. Not the current me, but a slice of the multiverse. Thankfully I get to reap the benefits of being that person in the past, I suppose there was a price to pay as well. Still I focus on the positive. There’s less stuff in my house, that’s a win for the day. Tomorrow we’ll get rid of more, yesterday was trash day and now I’ve got two empty cans.
9 January 2024
There’s a big rain storm going on, the pond is flooding. I love the rain and when the land floods, it washes away and cleanses. The sound of rain is the most complex song written. Dr. Suess’ Mr. Brown described the sound of rain as “dibble dibble dopp dopp”, I can’t say I agree but the attempt is admirable. Sheets is a good adjective with rain, whether it’s falling in sheets like when looking into the distance seeing clumps of lines going together, or when holding a loose sheet of plastic or metal. Giving the sheet a soft shake sounds like rain falling and an intense shaking would be thunderous. Through my whole life my favorite pastime has been watching the rain. When I saw Of Mice and Men a line in the men’s dream is that when it rains they can say heck with work and watch the rain, their dream took root in me. The best part of the Army was when we’d be abandoned in the woods for long stretches of time in the rain. When properly equipped, everything stays dry and I’d rather be working in the rain than sun. About 10 years ago I famously drew up a quadrant graph showing that I like warm, sunny days and cold, wet days. When the traits are mixed into cold, sunny and warm, raining I take issue. I’ve mentally registered a day in basic training as the hottest I’ve ever experienced. The temperature was only 100 degrees F, but there had just been a quick storm and now it was sunny. Additionally we were walking into woods leading to 100% humidity. Wet and dry temperatures are as drastic as people say because temperature is meaningless to a human, the expense of mercury, or when water boils. My body cares about whether it needs to sweat to cool off and whether that sweat can dissipate. When the sweat has no where to go you might as well be wearing a plastic bag.
8 January 2024
Packing is picking up, all weekend we’ve been packing, this morning I’ve done some packing, and I’m going to be packing once I’m done writing this. My Army bros. are taking a lot of furniture and stuff we don’t use, yesterday we donated about 10 trash bags of old clothes, and we still have too much stuff. I like to consider myself a minimalist, it’s hard to be so with this much stuff and it makes me happy to be getting rid of so much. At my current location we have three sheds for storage and a two car garage we don’t park in, this has allowed for a lot of stuff to build up out of sight and out of mind. There’s nice stuff, I’m glad other people can use it. When we bought our current house the previous owners left a lot of furniture including a dinning room table with three leaves and 10 chairs, we’re a family of three and even at holiday dinners we’ve never used more than 6 chairs at a time. Everyone knows one man’s trash is another’s treasure, most of the stuff we have we didn’t buy, we were just willing to treasure someone else’s trash. General life advice I have for people is along those lines, don’t waste time competing against others for a limited quantity when there is someone who will give away or sometimes pay to have someone take a perfectly good product. A little legwork is required to find those people, nothing in life is free. I’d rather put energy into what I want than have it taken by others while I wasn’t looking. Both of the houses I’ve bought have been in this category, they’re deals because they’ve got issues most people don’t want to deal with, at least I get to manage them on my own terms.
5 January 2024
Bit by bit we climb the mountain, there are places to stop for a rest and we can’t even see the top. There’s an expression people would say in running that if you look at the ground that’s where you’re headed. There are some people who get discouraged when they see others succeeding, worse if they become jealous, but the discouraged is an issue I’d like to resolve. We can’t abandon all standards for those afraid to even try, it’s about trying to get everyone on board. Too many cook spoil the broth, not everyone needs to be a chief and in fact there’s only one all mighty. Taking orders is not a belittling thing, every is a bad servant and a worse master meaning we may find it difficult to do what we’re told, but given complete autonomy we won’t know what to do. Often times people turn to self indulgence; idle hands are the devils play things. I essentially retired when I was 25 in the sense that I stopped taking orders from anyone. That freedom is not easy, and I might write another day on that meaning of freedom isn’t free. Freedom means no purpose, otherwise the purpose would be constraining. I often tell people to be careful with their dreams of retiring because retirement is usually as far as they plan. What are they going to do when they retire? Relax, which brings us back to self indulgence. For those that can’t see self indulgence as self harming, type 2 diabetes is a physical manifestation of that. The person eats too many sugary foods, the pancreas produces insulin to deal with high blood sugar. After prolonged insulin production the pancreas gets tired and stops, then the high blood sugar means single blood cells become sticky and unable to pass through veins smaller than a single blood cell. Then there’s a traffic jam causing other things to shut down, the point is too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
4 January 2024
Since the holidays I’ve been sleeping in in the mornings until the baby wakes up, recovering sleep and the Winter makes it hard to operate before sunrise. Today is also the first day of push ups, exercise had to take a back seat for the last month while things were hectic. While traveling, packing, and hosting I needed to conserve energy and now I need to prevent my body from loosing ground. Too much work and too much play lead to disaster, switching from work to play is relaxing, when it’s time to switch back there’s a struggle. One day at a time is the secret, it’s not possible to pick up where I left off a month ago, there needs to be an on-ramp. In the moment 10 push ups now is harder than 40 before the break, I don’t focus on the moment though, it’s all part of a slow incline. There’s always issues going on in the moment that will distract and it’s easy to let the holiday distractions last until Summer when it’s time for another break, but that would be regression. The pain is never as bad as I think it is, it’s closer to an ice water plunge. This too shall pass, that was my mantra in Iraq. Then it was all about time passing, now what’s changed is I’m building something, waiting won’t be enough. The slow incline helps by going slow enough it feels like I’m doing the same things everyday, routine. By making my routine one of slight improvement, things get better over time. Gains will be short lived if I don’t continue to edit the routine, adding more where I see fit. Hopefully six months is when I’ll reached my limit, then take another extended break and start the process over again.
Chris' Morning Pages 