Fuel Feels Full

I started pressing flower leaves

You’re not ready for this one. Take a breath and make sure you’re ready first. I finished my coffee with that time. I was thinking about a memory of mine. I couldn’t have been older than nine years old, I was saying to my self that I was living off of the comforts of someone else, my parent’s, and I had no right to them. I was laying in bed at night and the comforts were sheets and pillows, so I threw them off and laid on the cold hard bed asking my teddy bear if that was good enough. An interesting side note was that bear wore a Dallas Cowboy t-shirt, and I grew up around Philadelphia. The Cowboys are rivals to Philadelphia’s football team, the Eagles, even then I was revolting. Facing my teddy bear, it dawned on me, he was a luxury that I didn’t buy. I threw the bear away, crashing into the wall. It was a louder noise than I expected for throwing a teddy bear, so I rush to grab him. I had broken my teddy’s eye against the wall. Sometimes you do things that can’t be undone. My friend would be forever deformed because of my actions. That night I became a man. 

I don’t know why it was important to cast off those items that night, but it was a part of who I am. Now that I’m an adult I think about that and wonder how that kid even knew of those concepts. Who would have even taught him about ownership and what a person needs vs what is a luxury. There are arguments that people make being born a certain way that I disagree with on the same grounds that I was born this way, but there is no gene to determine it. What can I do with the information? The same thing I’m already doing and why it’s appropriate to think of it today because today was the day I calculated that I can start my farm.

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