Merry Happy Holly

A new art installation at a local park

Alright, Christmas is over and we can all stop being cheerful. Time to crack the wipe, get to work and start looking out for ourselves. Maybe today I’ll go out and make a trolly comment on the internet. I wonder if part of the way people act on the internet is they think their space is a so small that it’s like peeing in the ocean. Maybe right here I made it dirty, but there’s so much water no one will ever see it. The difference lies in an argument I make that once something is digitized, it is no longer infinite. That’s why I think there’s a big difference between an oil painting and a photoshop painting. They may both be beautiful, but the fact is there’s a limit to how many colors and patterns photoshop can make. Theoretically a computer could print out every single image that’s possible to make in photoshop. An HD image is usually 300 pixels per inch and each pixel can only be a programmable number of colors. On the other hand, you could make an exact copy of an oil painting and they won’t be the same. Taking this argument to the extreme, you could look down at the atoms of the paint and see this cobalt blue goes one atom further than the copy. We could even take it further and say the spins of the atoms don’t line up, but you get the point. We can never fully replicate the infinite. How all this relates to what I’m saying about the internet and ocean metaphor is that the ocean has systems to clean itself, algae and fish. Creatures who take nastiness and clean it, when something nasty is created on the internet, it’s permanently recorded. When a person has a bad day or misunderstands, that’s permanent. People will deal with that permanence differently, some will accept their faults, but if I know humans the majority have trouble admitting when they’re wrong. Those people are forced to double down, to explain how their outburst was justified and it’s made for some strange times. I think the 2010’s will go down in history as a strange time where people were still figuring out how to handle the internet.

This is for Marley, and don’t forget Marley

A photo of the old theater I took at Nutcracker

Merry Christmas! If anyone is reading this today, I’m grateful for your time and hope you have a wonderful new year. Last night my wife and I made a little pillow fort of sorts in the TV room and watched The Muppets Christmas Carol. I told you that I really like Dickens and that movie is a good exposure to him because it’s mostly muppets, but then there’s a line that’s music to the hears and you know it’s lifted from the book. An example is when Scrooge is haunted by the ghosts of his old partners, he says to them, “There’s more of gravy than of grave about you”. I’d love to use that as an insult someday.

The other thing we did yesterday was go to a performance of the Nutcracker. It was the first time I’ve been to a ballet. Right away I can tell I’ll be a big fan of it. My wife and I talked a bit after the show and it would make sense if she’s not as big of a fan of abstraction. Now I don’t like abstract art in the modern sense, there’s a lot of that that I think is lazy and then they say, “Anything can be art.” What I mean for abstraction with ballet is that they’re telling a story, the Nutcracker has love, conflict, foreshadowing, and coming of age elements. Ballet has no words though, therefore all of those elements of story must be forged in the viewers mind. Everyone saw a different show, and if someone isn’t good with creating a story off of the information they’re given, they might feel it was a bad show. They also had beautiful outfits and a good stage design, all of this before I’ve even mentioned dancing. I’m starting to see art differently the deeper I get into it and after seeing it understand how dance can be just like playing a musical instrument.

Holiday Pontification

They always warm up the crowd with an organ player

I’m up early this morning. The wife and I know we’ll be back to normal days soon so we gotta start getting back to our normal wake up time. Normally I would have snuck out to do my drawing, but my wife is awake too, so we’re laying in bed enjoying each other’s company for a bit. The dog is also asleep in between us, acting as a heater. Last night was fun, my wife’s mother and sister came over for Christmas. We had dinner, some presents, and I showed them the VR world before we went to this beautiful old theater down town to see National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. It was a sold out show so the crowd was a lot of fun. One family even dressed up as every character in the movie. I enjoy anytime I get to go to that theater and in about four hours we’re going back there to see a performance of the Nut Cracker. I’m sure that will be a lot of fun.

What’s considered classical or fine arts speak to me on a different level than they did when I was younger. I worry that I’m just pompous and do these things like see ballet or listen to classical music to appear smart, but I think there’s a level of depth there that we’re not being exposed to with pieces being created in modern times. If you think about it, these works have been around a long time and have gained approval from the proper authorities of each generation. I’m thinking of Shakespeare specifically now, compared to say Harry Potter, people have been saying Shakespeare is great for hundreds of years, we know taken out of it’s time, something in the art speaks to the soul on an infinite scale. Harry Potter may be popular now, but there may be writing techniques that when taken out of it’s time make the the piece fall apart. Probably not with Harry Potter because I believe the author has said a lot of the motifs were taken from the Bible which obviously has stood the test of time.

My Mind has become an Illusion

We went exploring in the other rooms on the train

Here we are, we finally made it to the Adam of Christmas’ Eve. Interesting that those are both biblical names as well. I’ll have to check the etymology of Eve. It relates to “Even” meaning close to the day of. That also means we could be calling December 26th Christmas Eve, you know I like to do annoying things like that, but what purpose would it serve? I’ll just have a bunch of  people telling me it isn’t Christmas Eve and I’ll have to explain why I came to this conclusion and I’m already tired of the ordeal. Yesterday my wife and I had a lovely dinner on an old train. It was a lot of fun too because the train actually drove around, I think we went through at least one tunnel. During the experience we got so excited we started looking up train car vacations that we’d like to check out someday. I want to see the Canadian Rockies and I know my parents have always wanted to go on the train trip that goes across Canada, so I think that would be a fun trip to do with the four of us. Other than that not much happened yesterday, I spent a bunch of time in VR and I feel like my body has to get used to how the system is used. Primarily that I’m standing still for hours. Since I’m flat footed, I’m going to try playing while wearing my orthopedic shoes from now on. I got to connect with one of my real life friends on VR yesterday though, it was interesting because we basically had a phone call while we were playing our own games, then we played a couple of rounds of VR paint ball together. I can hear the system calling me back now.

He sees you when you’re sleeping

We went to Christmas lights at the zoo yesterday

Good morning pages, I hope you’re enjoying your weekend. Mine is going pretty well, I woke up around 7am without an alarm and got my drawing done, so I’m happy. I’m not too sore from my workout yesterday which is surprising. Since it’s the holidays and I’m switching gyms at the end of the month, my workouts have been more free flow. I’ll just hope on whatever machine I feel like. I’m still breaking the days up into pushing upper body, pulling upper body, and lower body. Yesterday was pulling, meaning back and biceps basically. Because the free flow is more enjoyable and I don’t have numbers in my head that I normally lift, I’ve been having some more strenuous workouts. Long time followers may remember that I’ve been turning away from intense workouts to allow for my body to stay at a healthy level of energy. If the workout takes too much of a toll and I can’t move for 48 hours, that’s a bad thing. These workouts lately have pushed myself as well as had my body recovering quickly. It’s great, I feel like my energy levels are finally starting to get where I’ve dreamed them of being. I can have my workouts and creative work regularly. You cannot believe the joy this brings me.

Last night I was going through my first couple morning pages. If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t read my writing from the beginning of the year it’s because I started this activity on a word document, that evolved to a google doc so I could easily share with my wife, and now my blog. The point I’m getting to is the confidence writing these has given me this year. The first thing I wrote in that word doc was 10 times in a row saying, “I’m a brilliant and prolific painter.” It was an activity I was told to do while reading The Artist’s Way, but the emotional tone in the beginning was basically telling myself that I deserve to be happy. Everyone makes mistakes and I don’t think there are any so bad that they can’t be forgiven, and everyone deserves to be happy. I know sometimes the hardest person to convince of that is the self. Good Luck.

Happy Winter Solstice

My new reality

What are you doing to celebrate? I of course I will be disappearing into the virtual world some more to explore. Tonight we’ll be going to the zoo to see their Christmas lights. Last night we went to a nice restaurant to celebrate my wife’s sister finishing her masters degree. It made me think that I’ll have to get my sister something when she finishes her masters in the spring. Gifts man, can’t escape them. I mean you can, but it’s nice. Giving is nice and it doesn’t have to be a material good. I told my friend max he and his girlfriend should do homemade gifts because they’re probably both less material good oriented than me and they’re creative people, so I think they’d have a lot of fun with it.

That’s the thing about gifts that I do like, it’s a memory of that person. Maybe Santa and Christmas lists mess that idea up, that you’re saying I want these things. If I don’t get these things then I’ll be disappointed and Santa is the person who disappointed me. I studied French for many years and something I like is the French word for memory is souvenir. My perspective on souvenirs changed with that and it’s similar to what I’m saying with gifts. It’s not about what the item is, but what memories it brings up to the surface; it’s the thought that counts. 

Well I’ll be finishing now, I already did my drawing and just got back from the gym, so after this I’m free to partake in the holiday spirits if you know what I mean. Yesterday I got an eggnog milk shake. I did not eat it all in one sitting or even in one day thankfully, but I like eggnog. I do think eggnog goes well with whiskey, but think it’s better on its own. That’s where I’m at with most alcohol now, I’d rather drink it straight and appreciate it for what it is.

Bilateral Proportions

I’m having a really wonderful day morning pages, thank you for asking. This morning started off with me overcooking some eggs. I’m never overcooked my eggs before, but I’ve been eating them with ham and cheese lately and that adds moisture so I’ve been hoping to cook the moisture out. I was left instead eating rubber. I got it down and rode my bike to the library where I drew for almost three hours straight. I did stop once for a bathroom break. It felt really good. Of course there were times where I wanted to call it a short day, but I managed to stick with it. I get such a burst of energy when I have a good day like that. I’m really enjoying drawing. Now of course I can’t wait to get back to painting, but that’s going to be awhile and drawing just has so much to teach me about making visual art anyway, plus drawing is a lot cheaper than painting. 

One of the books I checked out from the library this week was a pastel book. I think I’ve only done one drawing in pastel. I actually just looked up and that drawing is missing from my wall. I’ll have to show you my motivation wall some time. It just has a bunch of stuff I’ve done on it. There used to be a pastel drawing of an apple, but I sent it home recently when I wrote a letter to my parents. That sounds like as good of an excuse as any to do more pastel work. In other news I got an Oculus Quest today. My friends and I have been hyping it up, calling it 2019’s Tickle Me Elmo, and the first IPhone. It’s been really surprising already and I think I’ll go back to the virtual world right now. I’ll try drawing in it.

I’m Relaxing, I Think

Thumbnail assignment from NMA

I’ve got nothing to do until 6 pm tonight when I’m going to that live model drawing session. It’s exciting to be going back for my second week in a row. I wonder if they’ll have it next week because it’s the day after Christmas. I guess the day after Christmas doesn’t mean anything, my wife is working that day, all the stores have to be open to accept Christmas gift returns. Do you think gift receipts are a bit tongue and cheek, like if you have to give it with a receipt is it better to not give them a gift at all? Perhaps the gift receipt shows that it’s not the thought that counts. I almost got my wife a shirt semi for Christmas, but they were sold out of her size. Hopefully they make more in that size because I don’t really care for gifts, I have the belief that if I want something then I’ll get it and it’s unlikely anyone is going to keep up with the constant shifting of my wants and thoughts, add on top of that the need I feel to control my desires and not want things I don’t need. Regardless I would like to give my wife stuff she might like and it is nice to have a time of year that says, “Don’t you like your loved ones having nice things?” even if that voice is coming from corporate American greed.

I wish I could read A Christmas Carol this season, I love Dickens and actually just put a half read Tale of Two Cities away in my night stand dresser. The books were taking up too much room and I don’t have the time/energy for none art related reading right now. That idea is a little worrisome to me, is that a bad decision because I will be exposing myself to less of what the world has to offer or is it a necessity if I wish to be great at one thing that I must focus on it. I don’t have to only focus on art, but the longer I can sustain intense focus the more I will improve in that time.

Spaceship Earth

I spoke to Max just now, he’s a childhood friend of mine. In my dating profile for Match.com, that’s actually where I met my wife, I put that I like to spend time with my friend Max about life, the universe, and everything. She is a big fan of Hitchhikers guide, so the reference was a hit. Basically you can say I owe my marriage to Max. We were just on the phone and he said he was going to call me back in 10 minutes, I figured this would be a good time to muse on the sort of things we were saying to each other. I always say my relationship with people is that I think people only talk about themselves, so we say things about our lives, the other person hears it through a filter of their life and says something about their life which gets interpreted as the same topic. This is the beauty of words and language in general, you can say one thing and mean another. No one can tell you what you mean and you are not obligated to explain yourself. Some take this as an opportunity to say things at random, claiming that can be language too. I suppose it does, but I don’t think humans were meant to live like that.

Things are going well for me though, I’m accomplishing what I set out to, I’m dwelling on the past too much, I’m breaking and I’m building. I’m still here writing this blog so I guess that’s something good. I don’t know if it will say something bad the day I put it down, but part of me hopes I never put it down. Now my wife just got home and she brought Christmas cookies, I hope everyone is getting into the spirit of the season. Happy Winter Solstice if I forget to say it then

Can’t Control Yourself Any Longer

Practicing with ink this weekend

I’ve got some important new reporting from the front lines. They are varying, today I’ve been drawing thick lines, thin lines, even doing some shading with lines. I actually did a lot of shading today. I’m in a part of the Bridgman book where he starts to talk about shading. I’ve really been enjoying looking at my drawings lately. There’s going to be one that I’ll post on my instagram tomorrow that is only the stomach of a male twisting, but that’s the beauty of art is that there’s beauty there. How is there beauty in some twisted lines of graphite rubbed into thinly sliced trees? That’s why I say part of my soul is put into these things. If a piece has life, that’s the creators life we’re seeing. I think it’s something everyone knows but is hard to accept that the point of studying and the repetition is only to increase the likelihood of being able to breath life into a lifeless world. It feels good when it happens and at this point I’ve built, for me, a pile of enough bad drawing to be a little numb from failing those. I think the idea of being ok with failure will be something everyone faces their whole life because as we succeed, we raise the bar on what we expect of ourselves, or at least I do. The drawing I shared here recently of a man in a suit got me annoyed because I inked in the lines over my drawing and I screwed up the eyes. I think the picture can be saved still, but it will never be the image in my head so I lose a lot of interest in finishing it. It’s funny too because I recently listened to an artist talking about eyes can make or break a piece, so he doesn’t like to wait too long to do them. This instance of failure on the eyes hurts a little more than if I fail drawings, one because it’s more permanent and two because more time had been invested in it. That’s the cost to playing the game of life though. You win some, you lose some and the more I play the more I’ll win.