For Fast Freddy

Climbing the rope

I’ve got a new routine I’ve been trying out. After I make breakfast for my wife, I do a little reading. Then I want to watch an educational video and write my morning pages. I don’t know if I want to watch the video first, but I think writing requires more energy and should be done first. All that excitement is hopefully done before 8 AM and that’s when I’ll have breakfast. Yesterday, I saw a scary number on the scale and am trying to be better about what I eat. Self control is hard though, my wife caught me last night trying to sneak in a bowl of cereal after I had already eaten. There’s an attitude of “screw it, the world’s coming to an end” that’s hard to shake and it talks me into letting my impulse drive the machine. The world isn’t coming to an end though and I should be working on improving myself and situation for the future. I have to take care of my body just like I have to take care of anything else and in fact it’s the most important thing. 

I went to Home Depot yesterday mostly because I could, our city has lifted the shelter in place restrictions, but I also need to feel more comfortable there and with what they have so I can think better. The other part of thinking better is reading this book on home building, and eating healthy. Two small projects I might do to build my comfort is turn one cinder block into a stand for my pitcher plant and the other is to build a wooden cube. The cube can be used for anything, but it’s about buying the material and building something, I’ve got to warm up. A bigger project that combines these skills is to build a pull up/dips stand, so I can get some more casual exercising in. By that I mean exercise I can do when I’m in the back yard because the equipment is right there, like my climbing rope.

Broad shoulders catch more rain

Sleepy pup

I wasn’t here yesterday, but sometimes I need to take a day off if only to take a day off. I think yesterday was a good day. It’s hard to tell what days are anymore, everything blends together. Let’s see, yesterday I repotted my autumn fern. That’s a fern the grown new fronds in orange and red colors. I decided yesterday that I lied the leaf structure on the autumn fern than the boston fern, which I think is the only other kind of fern I have, so I put the autumn fern into a bigger pot. I had set up a tent in the yard last night and was going to sleep in it until Mary told me a storm was coming in, so I took down my tent. The storm sounded and looked scary, but we didn’t get more than a couple drops of rain. 

I reached a new level of boredom yesterday by basically hitting a dead-end with the videos Youtube was recommending me. I was reloading pages multiple times to try and find a new video. I don’t like algorithm recommendations because it’s going to show me what it thinks I’m interested in, then I’m going to watch more videos on the topic. The company providing the algo likes this because I’m consuming lots of content, but I reach a point like I did yesterday where all the content that’s being recommended to me falls into about three niche subjects that I’ve been watching for a couple months. I need to explore new ideas, and problems happen when companies like Youtube filter their trending page. That is made to appeal to the largest group of people, well I’m an outlier so it doesn’t serve me. I ended up thinking of new, random ideas to search for to add more variety to my algo

Who Dat?

Budding orchid

Mother Mary visited me today, she told me to slow my roll. Not sure what exactly to make of that. I have been having trouble figuring out how to make my own rolled oats, maybe I should slow down the press. Speaking of the press, I see the news is in the news today. Isn’t it funny how people always talk about how bad the news has gotten? It’s always been the same. Tomas Jefferson said the man who doesn’t read the newspaper is uninformed, and the man who does read the newspaper is misinformed. I think Trump stumbled upon something very true with the term “Fake News”, because what is real news? The only stories without any bias are math equations. We all know we only look at things that entertain us, so if anything wishes for our attention, it must be entertaining in some sense. The sense I mean is engaging with us, if I were to ask why do I enjoy Led Zeppelin; it makes me feel something. If something has your attention in this day and age, it’s not by accident. Shoot, most of us get all info from a feed and we request has a personalized algorithme. Imagine the internet with no filtering algorithms. As soon as anything is posted to the internet across all platforms, it is pushed to the front of every screen. It would turn into a constant swiping of slides that blurs into nothing, it doesn’t work without a filter. In my head, I say that’s people digging their own graves, and I get it, I’m dramatic. I just think there’s something lost in when it becomes digital, like the smell of a dewy field in the morning, it can’t be bottled. Like my mind, it can never be translated into 1’s and 0’s, but you know the program probably tells me to think that way.

Express Expert

Pilea flower buds

A lot of plant stuff got done today. I started the morning off by trimming my hedges, these were the first hedges I’ve ever trimmed and they weren’t pretty. I hope it’s the last time I ever trim any hedges because next summer I think I’m going to dig them up and plant a prettier and lower maintenance garden instead. Once a year trimming isn’t bad, but it requires a power tool, compared to the garden where I pull weeds with my fingers. I mowed the front and back lawns after trimming. I decide that I’d like the back yard grass to be more lush, so I’m cutting at a higher height on the mower. I thought about aerating the dirt, but decided my dog probably tares it up an acceptable amount. Maybe I’ll do a proper aeration in the fall and overseed as well. For the meantime I want the grass to have a chance to live and grow. Then I sprayed the house for bugs and repotted my venus fly trap. I’m a little scared with this one because my last fly trap died, in my defense that was due to the cold and I’ve made it through winter. I don’t know what to expect with repotting these carnivorous plants, but I want them to get monstrous chompers. In the afternoon I put together a metal arch that connects the left and right parts of our front yard garden. We have some wisteria plants that we would like to grow up and attach to the arch, that way you’ll actually be walking under the vines of the plant. Outside of that today has mostly been chill. I’m trying to figure out the best way to leave bird seed out to where only the birds get get it without having to buy any special feeder.

Fuel Feels Full

I started pressing flower leaves

You’re not ready for this one. Take a breath and make sure you’re ready first. I finished my coffee with that time. I was thinking about a memory of mine. I couldn’t have been older than nine years old, I was saying to my self that I was living off of the comforts of someone else, my parent’s, and I had no right to them. I was laying in bed at night and the comforts were sheets and pillows, so I threw them off and laid on the cold hard bed asking my teddy bear if that was good enough. An interesting side note was that bear wore a Dallas Cowboy t-shirt, and I grew up around Philadelphia. The Cowboys are rivals to Philadelphia’s football team, the Eagles, even then I was revolting. Facing my teddy bear, it dawned on me, he was a luxury that I didn’t buy. I threw the bear away, crashing into the wall. It was a louder noise than I expected for throwing a teddy bear, so I rush to grab him. I had broken my teddy’s eye against the wall. Sometimes you do things that can’t be undone. My friend would be forever deformed because of my actions. That night I became a man. 

I don’t know why it was important to cast off those items that night, but it was a part of who I am. Now that I’m an adult I think about that and wonder how that kid even knew of those concepts. Who would have even taught him about ownership and what a person needs vs what is a luxury. There are arguments that people make being born a certain way that I disagree with on the same grounds that I was born this way, but there is no gene to determine it. What can I do with the information? The same thing I’m already doing and why it’s appropriate to think of it today because today was the day I calculated that I can start my farm.

Pitcher Plant Pot

Cabbage leaf

I went to Tractor Supply Co. today, it was pretty similar to the place I went to yesterday. There may have been more stuff at the store today, but between Walmart and Home Depot I can probably get anything that I’m going to need. I will probably go to the store I went to yesterday in the future. What I bought today was a 20 inch pot for my fern, a stand to hang a hummingbird feeder, and another watering can. I had been thinking lately that I wish I had a watering can in my green house, those plants don’t get watered enough because right now I would need to switch two hose adapters that are set up to run water to the drip irrigation. I also got in the mail this peat moss I ordered and I was able to repot my pitcher plant. The pitcher plant has been in a surprisingly small pot for how big that plant is, so I’m really hoping to see some massive pitchers in the future. The only problem with a bigger pot is I’ve got to hang it. Previously I had my hanging plants on the top of the green house, but it’s made of some pretty light weight poles and I don’t trust it to support this new weight. I’ve been running a few ideas for a stand I could make and if it’s outside I could use the same sort of stand I used for the humming bird feeder, but in the meantime I’ve got it hanging from the edge of a metal table that the pitcher plant also hung from last year before I had the green house. Next I’ve got to repot my venus fly trap since carnivorous plants use the same soil substrate.

Guac O’Clock

Homemade guacamole

I went to a farm supply store today. It was awesome. They asked if I was a rewards member when I checked out and I said no, but you better believe I’m going to be signing up before I head over next time. They just had everything I wanted. I’ll walk you through my experience. I walked in and saw some employees hanging out at the register, so I immediately hooked a right to avoid them. That led me to the bird seed section, I ended up getting some seed because I’d like to attract more birds to hang out in the garden. That reminds me that I need to fill up the humming bird feeders. We were getting a lot of humming birds last year and I eventually had to stop filling the feeders because ants had found a path to them. The feeders were hanging from an eight foot high ceiling by a wire and the ants got up there. I think I’ll get one of those tall metal hooks and hang one of the feeders off that in the back yard; they were both on the front porch before. After I saw bird seed, there were planters and I almost bought one, but I’m going to get it from Walmart for cheaper and more decorative. I want a big planter for this big fern I’ve been building up. Going deeper into the store I saw a microscope set up on a TV to look at a leaf and it made me want to set up my microscope so I could take better plant pictures. Well looks like I’m about done writing for the day and barely got into the store, so I’ll summarize the rest. They had chicken feed that I’ll have to get when I have one, as well as many other types of animal feed. There was all sorts of farm hand equipment and most importantly clothes. They had tough clean(as in solid color) clothes, I can’t wait.

A Cute Cupcake

I’m tired. Gotta get my head straight. Vegetables and exercise would be nice, but who has the time for that. Not the time, but rather the motivation. I’m surviving today so I can survive tomorrow, can’t wait. I guess today is just meant to feel like a rough day, what can I do? I suppose I’ll watch more youtube. I listen to Eminem a good amount and compounded with having a very good memory, there are a lot of words like “youtube” and “tired” that I have cataloged in my head with his lyrics. Once I say a word, I get sucked into the song. I got a microfiber towel today, so that was exciting, now I can stay dry when wet. I’m considering getting a chicken, but I’ve got a million ideas in my head and I guess I need to wait. No ideas need to happen now, but there’s energy inside me that has to come out. Maybe I’ll exercise more, I’m just doing what I got to do to get me through the day. The days will get easier as I go on and I’ll regain a part of me that’s been lost. That part will know what to do. I’m in a similar situation as when I started writing my morning pages over a year ago. I told myself to keep writing, nothing else mattered, keep writing until it’s done. I’ll try to take that same advice into my larger life right now. Day by day we’ll get there, I’ll wake up, eat some food and it will magically become 10pm and I’ll get to go to sleep for the next day. I can do that, I need to think about if the rest of my life was like today, what would I want to be doing with my days.

Time to sing the blues

I’m on the wagon today, so maybe my writing might seem a little different. I have this feeling, I feel uncertainty about my life because I don’t know when my next high will be? That’s not a place I would like to be living in. I started playing Minecraft today, I last played it during their beta testing. It’s a good way to burn a lot of time, one of my friends is also trying to set up a server, so maybe we’ll be hanging online some more. This is gonna be a difficult month if I want it to be. I know so much of what I’m feeling right now is in my head, but I don’t like that it’s in my head. Back when I used to play that kid’s game and was in fact a kid, I didn’t have these thoughts and feelings. Did I not have them or did I not have words to express them? Intoxicants help to handle life. Whenever I start to think about it, I talk myself back off the wagon. I don’t know what is the right decision, but I need to wait a month before I can try to buy land. I’d rather waste time with video games than drugs. Part of me wonders if I can still waste time with video games, of course I can, I did today. One day can be done by accident, day five and six will be the tough cookies, they always are. Day seven brings about the accomplished feeling of going a week and the first couple days I can push through. Internally I’m conflicted between knowing that I need to wait and not knowing what I’m doing with my life. I know what I’m doing, I don’t know why my body has to bully me. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, hopefully my head will stop spinning.

To the Monks Among us

Baby grapes

I’ve been tasting the plants in my garden a lot lately. All winter long I watched a mustard plant turn into a monster plant, but I had no idea what it tasted like. A couple of days ago I thought that the plant is so big that me taking a bite out of it isn’t going to hurt it. There was so much flavor in the tiny amount I ate that my mind was blown. It was reassuring that I’m on a good path. There is a lot to be learned here and it’s good for my health. I’d love to eat a cauliflower head someday. I’ve got an eggplant growing, but it hasn’t grown any fruit yet. Today is the first time I’ve ever had a grape vine grow grapes! I’ve got a picture of the tiniest baby grapes you’ve ever seen. I’m so happy by those grapes. I was not expecting them to fruit this year. It shows how dramatic the difference is between plants grown in the ground and in a pot. I’d wager that difference is found in the plants grown with hydroponic or aeroponic too. Probably the reason aeroponics is allowed to work is because we only care about big plump produce now, like the difference between a California avocado and a haas avocado is the amount of water. Flavor is lost on us. Growing up in Philadelphia, I’ve never known the taste of real food. I think that’s like saying I’ve never lived. I’ve never breathed fresh air. I’ve never fed myself, proven that I could live on my own and my way works in this world. There are positive feedback loops in nature, we used to exist as part of one. We really got off the rails with the way we live now. That’s why we need crypto, people will finally be turned into Watts.