Bubbling lo mein below me

Mustard greens beginning to bud flowers

I fell short of my first dieting challenge. I usually go to bed around 10 pm and at 9:30 pm I gave in to temptation and had something to eat. It was only a banana and some juice, but still it wasn’t in the diet, so three days of dieting was not accomplished. I’ll have to try again, in truth I had technically failed the challenge on the first day because I didn’t follow the diet foods, only stayed within calorie restrictions. I know there’s a big part of mental rewiring I have to go through and part of me may have wanted to screw up the challenge so I didn’t accomplish it first try then walk away undefeated. Another part could have been afraid of moving on to a harder challenge. I don’t know, it’s hard to know much these days, so I’m going to keep moving without knowing or caring. Not much has been going on because so much of yesterday I was saying, “Just get through the day.” and that was probably part of my slip. If I had been keeping myself busy, I wouldn’t have noticed my hunger as much. I’m trying to stay busy, but recent craziness has put me in a hole I’ve got to slowly work out of. I’m getting up, basically I had a month of sitting around doing nothing but over eating, so it’s going to take some time and a lot of work to break those habits. The comfier the habit the faster it sets in. For the record I’m going to call the recent craziness Vincent because I worry that some internet platforms have been throttled for using key words. I don’t really want to talk about Vincent, but his actions do have effects that lead me to use those key words.

Decidedly Delicious Dedication

This is the 2nd time I’ve gotten an orchid to bloom

I started restricting my calories this week, so I feel low energy. My goal is to follow my diet for three days in a row, which I can accomplish today. With how I’m feeling now, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stick to my diet, but I’m trying. My success over the last two days means I’m more likely to accomplish three days in a row next time if I don’t get it today. Even if I do get it today, I’ve got a long future of dieting ahead of me and need to get accustomed to restricting myself. If I keep pushing to diet even after I fail, eventually something will click and I won’t feel as low energy. Cravings also go away with time. On Monday I ate the right number of calories, but still had sugary foods. Yesterday I don’t think I ate anything with added sugar, so that could be one reason I feel the way I do. I don’t feel bad, but mostly I’ll be worried I won’t have the energy required to make my food and then I’m more likely to microwave something. After that my might taste buds adjust and I’ll be more likely to eat junk food for awhile. I already did my reading, and writing this will probably require the most brain power of anything today. I have to cook my healthy breakfast instead of reaching for the cereal, because man do I want to eat some cereal right now. Cereal would be comforting, but it’d be gone in a minute. The energy I gain from cereal doesn’t last very long either. I’ve still got about 40 minutes till breakfast, lets hope I’ll remain strong when the time comes. Bit by bit I hope to improve, I know it’s tough now, but it gets easier the longer you stick with it.

For Fast Freddy

Climbing the rope

I’ve got a new routine I’ve been trying out. After I make breakfast for my wife, I do a little reading. Then I want to watch an educational video and write my morning pages. I don’t know if I want to watch the video first, but I think writing requires more energy and should be done first. All that excitement is hopefully done before 8 AM and that’s when I’ll have breakfast. Yesterday, I saw a scary number on the scale and am trying to be better about what I eat. Self control is hard though, my wife caught me last night trying to sneak in a bowl of cereal after I had already eaten. There’s an attitude of “screw it, the world’s coming to an end” that’s hard to shake and it talks me into letting my impulse drive the machine. The world isn’t coming to an end though and I should be working on improving myself and situation for the future. I have to take care of my body just like I have to take care of anything else and in fact it’s the most important thing. 

I went to Home Depot yesterday mostly because I could, our city has lifted the shelter in place restrictions, but I also need to feel more comfortable there and with what they have so I can think better. The other part of thinking better is reading this book on home building, and eating healthy. Two small projects I might do to build my comfort is turn one cinder block into a stand for my pitcher plant and the other is to build a wooden cube. The cube can be used for anything, but it’s about buying the material and building something, I’ve got to warm up. A bigger project that combines these skills is to build a pull up/dips stand, so I can get some more casual exercising in. By that I mean exercise I can do when I’m in the back yard because the equipment is right there, like my climbing rope.

Broad shoulders catch more rain

Sleepy pup

I wasn’t here yesterday, but sometimes I need to take a day off if only to take a day off. I think yesterday was a good day. It’s hard to tell what days are anymore, everything blends together. Let’s see, yesterday I repotted my autumn fern. That’s a fern the grown new fronds in orange and red colors. I decided yesterday that I lied the leaf structure on the autumn fern than the boston fern, which I think is the only other kind of fern I have, so I put the autumn fern into a bigger pot. I had set up a tent in the yard last night and was going to sleep in it until Mary told me a storm was coming in, so I took down my tent. The storm sounded and looked scary, but we didn’t get more than a couple drops of rain. 

I reached a new level of boredom yesterday by basically hitting a dead-end with the videos Youtube was recommending me. I was reloading pages multiple times to try and find a new video. I don’t like algorithm recommendations because it’s going to show me what it thinks I’m interested in, then I’m going to watch more videos on the topic. The company providing the algo likes this because I’m consuming lots of content, but I reach a point like I did yesterday where all the content that’s being recommended to me falls into about three niche subjects that I’ve been watching for a couple months. I need to explore new ideas, and problems happen when companies like Youtube filter their trending page. That is made to appeal to the largest group of people, well I’m an outlier so it doesn’t serve me. I ended up thinking of new, random ideas to search for to add more variety to my algo

Who Dat?

Budding orchid

Mother Mary visited me today, she told me to slow my roll. Not sure what exactly to make of that. I have been having trouble figuring out how to make my own rolled oats, maybe I should slow down the press. Speaking of the press, I see the news is in the news today. Isn’t it funny how people always talk about how bad the news has gotten? It’s always been the same. Tomas Jefferson said the man who doesn’t read the newspaper is uninformed, and the man who does read the newspaper is misinformed. I think Trump stumbled upon something very true with the term “Fake News”, because what is real news? The only stories without any bias are math equations. We all know we only look at things that entertain us, so if anything wishes for our attention, it must be entertaining in some sense. The sense I mean is engaging with us, if I were to ask why do I enjoy Led Zeppelin; it makes me feel something. If something has your attention in this day and age, it’s not by accident. Shoot, most of us get all info from a feed and we request has a personalized algorithme. Imagine the internet with no filtering algorithms. As soon as anything is posted to the internet across all platforms, it is pushed to the front of every screen. It would turn into a constant swiping of slides that blurs into nothing, it doesn’t work without a filter. In my head, I say that’s people digging their own graves, and I get it, I’m dramatic. I just think there’s something lost in when it becomes digital, like the smell of a dewy field in the morning, it can’t be bottled. Like my mind, it can never be translated into 1’s and 0’s, but you know the program probably tells me to think that way.

Express Expert

Pilea flower buds

A lot of plant stuff got done today. I started the morning off by trimming my hedges, these were the first hedges I’ve ever trimmed and they weren’t pretty. I hope it’s the last time I ever trim any hedges because next summer I think I’m going to dig them up and plant a prettier and lower maintenance garden instead. Once a year trimming isn’t bad, but it requires a power tool, compared to the garden where I pull weeds with my fingers. I mowed the front and back lawns after trimming. I decide that I’d like the back yard grass to be more lush, so I’m cutting at a higher height on the mower. I thought about aerating the dirt, but decided my dog probably tares it up an acceptable amount. Maybe I’ll do a proper aeration in the fall and overseed as well. For the meantime I want the grass to have a chance to live and grow. Then I sprayed the house for bugs and repotted my venus fly trap. I’m a little scared with this one because my last fly trap died, in my defense that was due to the cold and I’ve made it through winter. I don’t know what to expect with repotting these carnivorous plants, but I want them to get monstrous chompers. In the afternoon I put together a metal arch that connects the left and right parts of our front yard garden. We have some wisteria plants that we would like to grow up and attach to the arch, that way you’ll actually be walking under the vines of the plant. Outside of that today has mostly been chill. I’m trying to figure out the best way to leave bird seed out to where only the birds get get it without having to buy any special feeder.

Fuel Feels Full

I started pressing flower leaves

You’re not ready for this one. Take a breath and make sure you’re ready first. I finished my coffee with that time. I was thinking about a memory of mine. I couldn’t have been older than nine years old, I was saying to my self that I was living off of the comforts of someone else, my parent’s, and I had no right to them. I was laying in bed at night and the comforts were sheets and pillows, so I threw them off and laid on the cold hard bed asking my teddy bear if that was good enough. An interesting side note was that bear wore a Dallas Cowboy t-shirt, and I grew up around Philadelphia. The Cowboys are rivals to Philadelphia’s football team, the Eagles, even then I was revolting. Facing my teddy bear, it dawned on me, he was a luxury that I didn’t buy. I threw the bear away, crashing into the wall. It was a louder noise than I expected for throwing a teddy bear, so I rush to grab him. I had broken my teddy’s eye against the wall. Sometimes you do things that can’t be undone. My friend would be forever deformed because of my actions. That night I became a man. 

I don’t know why it was important to cast off those items that night, but it was a part of who I am. Now that I’m an adult I think about that and wonder how that kid even knew of those concepts. Who would have even taught him about ownership and what a person needs vs what is a luxury. There are arguments that people make being born a certain way that I disagree with on the same grounds that I was born this way, but there is no gene to determine it. What can I do with the information? The same thing I’m already doing and why it’s appropriate to think of it today because today was the day I calculated that I can start my farm.

Pitcher Plant Pot

Cabbage leaf

I went to Tractor Supply Co. today, it was pretty similar to the place I went to yesterday. There may have been more stuff at the store today, but between Walmart and Home Depot I can probably get anything that I’m going to need. I will probably go to the store I went to yesterday in the future. What I bought today was a 20 inch pot for my fern, a stand to hang a hummingbird feeder, and another watering can. I had been thinking lately that I wish I had a watering can in my green house, those plants don’t get watered enough because right now I would need to switch two hose adapters that are set up to run water to the drip irrigation. I also got in the mail this peat moss I ordered and I was able to repot my pitcher plant. The pitcher plant has been in a surprisingly small pot for how big that plant is, so I’m really hoping to see some massive pitchers in the future. The only problem with a bigger pot is I’ve got to hang it. Previously I had my hanging plants on the top of the green house, but it’s made of some pretty light weight poles and I don’t trust it to support this new weight. I’ve been running a few ideas for a stand I could make and if it’s outside I could use the same sort of stand I used for the humming bird feeder, but in the meantime I’ve got it hanging from the edge of a metal table that the pitcher plant also hung from last year before I had the green house. Next I’ve got to repot my venus fly trap since carnivorous plants use the same soil substrate.

Guac O’Clock

Homemade guacamole

I went to a farm supply store today. It was awesome. They asked if I was a rewards member when I checked out and I said no, but you better believe I’m going to be signing up before I head over next time. They just had everything I wanted. I’ll walk you through my experience. I walked in and saw some employees hanging out at the register, so I immediately hooked a right to avoid them. That led me to the bird seed section, I ended up getting some seed because I’d like to attract more birds to hang out in the garden. That reminds me that I need to fill up the humming bird feeders. We were getting a lot of humming birds last year and I eventually had to stop filling the feeders because ants had found a path to them. The feeders were hanging from an eight foot high ceiling by a wire and the ants got up there. I think I’ll get one of those tall metal hooks and hang one of the feeders off that in the back yard; they were both on the front porch before. After I saw bird seed, there were planters and I almost bought one, but I’m going to get it from Walmart for cheaper and more decorative. I want a big planter for this big fern I’ve been building up. Going deeper into the store I saw a microscope set up on a TV to look at a leaf and it made me want to set up my microscope so I could take better plant pictures. Well looks like I’m about done writing for the day and barely got into the store, so I’ll summarize the rest. They had chicken feed that I’ll have to get when I have one, as well as many other types of animal feed. There was all sorts of farm hand equipment and most importantly clothes. They had tough clean(as in solid color) clothes, I can’t wait.

A Cute Cupcake

I’m tired. Gotta get my head straight. Vegetables and exercise would be nice, but who has the time for that. Not the time, but rather the motivation. I’m surviving today so I can survive tomorrow, can’t wait. I guess today is just meant to feel like a rough day, what can I do? I suppose I’ll watch more youtube. I listen to Eminem a good amount and compounded with having a very good memory, there are a lot of words like “youtube” and “tired” that I have cataloged in my head with his lyrics. Once I say a word, I get sucked into the song. I got a microfiber towel today, so that was exciting, now I can stay dry when wet. I’m considering getting a chicken, but I’ve got a million ideas in my head and I guess I need to wait. No ideas need to happen now, but there’s energy inside me that has to come out. Maybe I’ll exercise more, I’m just doing what I got to do to get me through the day. The days will get easier as I go on and I’ll regain a part of me that’s been lost. That part will know what to do. I’m in a similar situation as when I started writing my morning pages over a year ago. I told myself to keep writing, nothing else mattered, keep writing until it’s done. I’ll try to take that same advice into my larger life right now. Day by day we’ll get there, I’ll wake up, eat some food and it will magically become 10pm and I’ll get to go to sleep for the next day. I can do that, I need to think about if the rest of my life was like today, what would I want to be doing with my days.