I’m on the wagon today, so maybe my writing might seem a little different. I have this feeling, I feel uncertainty about my life because I don’t know when my next high will be? That’s not a place I would like to be living in. I started playing Minecraft today, I last played it during their beta testing. It’s a good way to burn a lot of time, one of my friends is also trying to set up a server, so maybe we’ll be hanging online some more. This is gonna be a difficult month if I want it to be. I know so much of what I’m feeling right now is in my head, but I don’t like that it’s in my head. Back when I used to play that kid’s game and was in fact a kid, I didn’t have these thoughts and feelings. Did I not have them or did I not have words to express them? Intoxicants help to handle life. Whenever I start to think about it, I talk myself back off the wagon. I don’t know what is the right decision, but I need to wait a month before I can try to buy land. I’d rather waste time with video games than drugs. Part of me wonders if I can still waste time with video games, of course I can, I did today. One day can be done by accident, day five and six will be the tough cookies, they always are. Day seven brings about the accomplished feeling of going a week and the first couple days I can push through. Internally I’m conflicted between knowing that I need to wait and not knowing what I’m doing with my life. I know what I’m doing, I don’t know why my body has to bully me. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, hopefully my head will stop spinning.
To the Monks Among us
I’ve been tasting the plants in my garden a lot lately. All winter long I watched a mustard plant turn into a monster plant, but I had no idea what it tasted like. A couple of days ago I thought that the plant is so big that me taking a bite out of it isn’t going to hurt it. There was so much flavor in the tiny amount I ate that my mind was blown. It was reassuring that I’m on a good path. There is a lot to be learned here and it’s good for my health. I’d love to eat a cauliflower head someday. I’ve got an eggplant growing, but it hasn’t grown any fruit yet. Today is the first time I’ve ever had a grape vine grow grapes! I’ve got a picture of the tiniest baby grapes you’ve ever seen. I’m so happy by those grapes. I was not expecting them to fruit this year. It shows how dramatic the difference is between plants grown in the ground and in a pot. I’d wager that difference is found in the plants grown with hydroponic or aeroponic too. Probably the reason aeroponics is allowed to work is because we only care about big plump produce now, like the difference between a California avocado and a haas avocado is the amount of water. Flavor is lost on us. Growing up in Philadelphia, I’ve never known the taste of real food. I think that’s like saying I’ve never lived. I’ve never breathed fresh air. I’ve never fed myself, proven that I could live on my own and my way works in this world. There are positive feedback loops in nature, we used to exist as part of one. We really got off the rails with the way we live now. That’s why we need crypto, people will finally be turned into Watts.
Well wishes might as well wish might
I’ve started writing this at 2:22 pm, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that there should be a word for the magical effect of when numbers align on the time. Maybe there’s already a word, but even as kids I remember saying something like, “2:22 make a wish”. Why did the clock offer magical powers at certain times of the day? The conspiracy theorist might say that game is created to get us constantly checking the clock, that way we’ll be good employees someday. My head went to mythology first, this is culture and belief systems. It doesn’t matter what power you think the clock has, in some way or another there’s a shared belief in “Father Time”. Then that name is filled with meanings, but I like Ancient Greek Mythology, probably because I’m somewhat familiar with it. I want to say I’m most familiar with it, but I know a large part came from the cartoon T.V. spinoff of Disney’s Hercules. Not that the show was wrong, but it’s a fair disclaimer. I like to think of the Sun God Apollo when I think of time.
In truth the only story I’ve ever cared about is the Iliad. Achilles is the greatest man to ever exist. I wish I was him, but he was blessed by the Gods and is not necessarily a man so it is not possible for me. The best I can hope to be is Hector; fool who thought he killed Achilles. Later Achilles would drive around the island of Troy shouting, “I killed Hector!” Dragging the body of the slain prince behind. That’s life though, Hector knew what was going to happen when he stepped onto the field. He had a good life and the ending he deserved. I don’t think anyone could ask for more, so I guess that’s what I’ll spend my wish on.
Start stabbing a starship with a Mars tip
Today has been a lovely morning. Last night it started to rain, we slept with the curtains open so I could hear it better. When I woke up this morning it was still raining and I got to sleep in because Mary doesn’t have work today. The only way this morning could have been better would be if the windows were open and I was still warm. Mostly today I’ve just been watching the rain and walking among the plants. I did make some cinnamon rolls not too long ago that were really delicious and I’ll have to have another one soon before they get cold. I guess today is a day off in some sort so I will try to enjoy myself. A rainy day is pretty much always a day off for me anyway. I did order some rain-boots this morning for the day that I’ll be walking around on my farm in the rain, it’ll be great. I don’t know what else to write about, my morning coffee and that bun were so good that they’re the only things on my mind. I’ll try to tell you a little bit more about them. The coffee has a cocoa taste to it, for me that comes with a thick feeling in my mouth. When I was in grade school choir, I used to eat a piece of chocolate before a concert because I felt the coating protected my throat. Because chocolate feels thick, I like to combine it with milk. The combination for me is like a palate cleanser, but also a treat in itself. The cinnamon buns have icing on top that acts pretty well as a cleanser and cinnamon is always a welcome flavor. There’s also one of my favorite activities which is dumping donuts in my coffee. If the bun is ever too dry, I can dump it in the coffee which softens the bread while sweetening my coffee.
Freakin’ Fruity
Today sure feels like hump day. I’m so discombobulated. I hate this feeling. I want to do something, but I’m just sitting here. I hate sitting around waiting, maybe there’s some fear of missing out. I think we should make every second of our life count. That doesn’t mean to pour all our time into being the best at something, but we should be awake. We should know that we lived and put our mark on this world. It’s a shame when people want to make their mark in harmful ways. The sun is shinny today though, so it can’t be too bad of a day. Allergies have really got be bogged down too. If I wasn’t on lock down, I’d probably be paralyzed by allergies anyway.
I just split up my cara cara orange tree into three separate trees. It’s not something I should care too much about doing because I can’t have an orange grove, they’ll always have to be in pots unless I get a great greenhouse going. The problem with this tree was I was given it, so I didn’t research it before hand. The plant got damaged in the winter and died back. Now it has the root system for the tree that got injured as well as two branches that sprouted underground. Sprouting under or near the surface means it’s likely the branch already has its own roots, which these two do. I should have three healthy trees after this, but really I was bothered by the damaged tree and wanted a normal one. I’m not going to say “no” to more free fruit trees. I’m sure one day I’ll eat oranges off of those plants even if they do grow in pots. This distraction has come to its end, now’s the time to face the rest of the world.
You found me
Today will be interesting I’m sure. I’ve got a feeling, though no reason to have any feelings. I don’t have anything going on today. Yesterday was pretty good, I managed to do my diet yesterday. The word diet is a tricky one because there is a connection to a painful regime to accomplish something. I guess it is, but mostly I don’t trust myself to eat freely and regulate how much I eat. It’s easier to eat the same things everyday and never have to worry about it. My diet is also healthier than my normal foods, so when I’m dieting I can have more energy. I don’t always have more energy because I get stuck in the mind set that if a couple calories under is good, then a lot of calories under is better. Walking into my classic trap, I have a crash. Since I accomplished something I didn’t expect to yesterday and I can’t really do much in the world these days, I plan to take today pretty easy. I’ve got some gardening to do and I’d like to spray the house for bugs, but other than that my To Do List mostly interacts with society. Today will hopefully be a pretty good temperature, but I’m already pretty sneezy and with the recent rain I’m expecting allergies to hit me pretty hard. I suppose I should head to the garden now and maybe I can get my work done before too many flowers open up and dump their load of pollen on me. Today will be good though, just some good ol’ fashion self love. Who knows where my head will lead me, but I’m willing to walk the path. Now it’s time to face the day and start walking, I’ll be back tomorrow for more.
Blasting by these full-bodied beats
Happy April 20th to all those who celebrate it. I actually spent some time cutting down trees this morning. There were some branches that were leaning on my shed, I think it actually caused part of the shed to rot and now it leaks. I wanted to get rid of those branches to increase the amount of light I have in my yard, but now I can think about fixing up the shed. I was storing wood in the shed that I was given while I was in woodworking, some of it has had water on it and now may be ruined. At the very least no one wants a leaky roof and it would be a good project to get practice on.
Honestly I feel like I need to take a moment to breath because I keep thinking of projects that would be good for me and hitting dead ends because of virus shut downs. It’s a little maddening, feels like walls are closing in on me. I had another sleep paralysis dream last night, I was basically dreaming of that. I had solved this problem with painting before, but that requires an energy I can’t seem to muster up. I heard someone say, “The new work week is yesterday, today, and tomorrow.” I thought it was on point. I hear people talk about the peak of the virus and I don’t care, it’s gonna do what it’s gonna do, as nature intends. What’s more worrying is willfully shutting down society, what if it can’t restart? It’s not like we can historically look at what nations have done in the past. I don’t think anything that bad will happen, but I’m trying to show the real danger was never nature. I’d be willing to bet more people will be hurt by decisions made by humans now than any disease has ever done. If that isn’t reason enough to turn on, tune in, and drop out, then I don’t know what is.
She Shall Shout
I’m in the middle of baking cupcakes, black velvet don’tcha know. In about four minutes I’ll have to pull them out because they should already be done, but the ones in the center are still a little soupy. They’re my take on velvet lava cake. I’ve been thinking about my back yard a lot. I have to call about mulch tomorrow. I’m partly scared to because I might find out I can’t get mulch right now and it’s one less thing I’m allowed to do. When the country shuts down, it really shut down. Even if I can’t get mulch from the city, it is possible to get free mulch from a saw mill and worst case scenario I’ve seen ads online to fill your truck for $20 and that’s not the worst fate in the world. I’m planning on squaring off the garden in the backyard. Today I was envisioning a solar panel and battery box in the back corner, then I could power a water pump. I would be able to have a fountain or waterfall, even some fish in a small pond. I don’t know what I’d want to do because that is many steps away, but first step I know I want to do is a fill my yard with mulch. I also decided today it would probably be best to build an indoor growing area rather than making a green house in the backyard. Checking out the green house I’m already using, if that were to break and in some way it already did, it would be simple to replace the plastic entirely and build doors on it. For now I want to get some very basic and big stuff out of the way. Nothing has to be done, thankfully, but having a couple fun projects to juggle helps keep me distracted. I know I’m not going to be doing myself any favors by sitting around in my head for the next year.
You used to use your yelling for yoking yonder younglings
This is my time, the words are given to me and I must let go of them. I just got back from the back yard with Mary and I’m about to have some pizza. This morning I planted my three sisters(corn, pole green beans, and squash) in the rest of the garden. I wanted to give them their own garden bed and I was going to do it up spectacularly. I still might, but right now my seedlings need to be placed in the ground and I don’t have the mulch required for a new bed. Hopefully on Monday I’ll call about the free mulch because the fact that I’m being held back by something so easy is sad. I guess I’ve been distracted with the purchasing land idea and fair enough because it was intended to be a distraction. Yesterday I was able to talk to some loan officers and basically learned I’ll need a 20% down payments, it’s not the worst news in the world and I was already expecting it. Now that I have confirmation, I know what I have to do; save up for a down payment. We’re not far off now and if things were perfect, we could manage it, but if you’re rushing and scrambling then that’s not perfect. I have a plan that basically requires me to do nothing, but it takes time. All this means with the combined time it will take to do the paperwork, the only land I’m growing on this Summer is the one I already have. That’s fine, it’s cheap, easy, and offers exponential growth. I’m wondering if I’ll get back into painting to help pass time, but there is still a lot I have to learn. There’s also work I could be doing around the house. I’m mostly waiting for the craziness to pass before going to a hardware store. We’ll see what next week brings.
Wet Willy wielding a wicked one
I’ma say what I got to say. The spirit is rising, there may be obstacles to block the flow, but I’ll find a way. There’s a famous interview with Bruce Lee where he’s saying to be like water. If water is in a round cup, the water is round; it becomes the cup. After seeing the land, my wife wanted to consider buying land with a small house on it already and asked what she should look for in land. I told her I only need grass, but I was thinking that good advice I could give her is to imagine how water works on the land. I’m about to drop some knowledge for the world. Life needs water. Anytime a desire for life is considered, water should be taken into account. In the idea of a home and land, I’ll start with the broad strokes. Where is water coming from and where is it going? In my world, water either comes from the sky or the city tap. The city tap is a collection of water that once fell from the sky. The water falls from the sky and I would like to create a reliable clean way for it to get to me. Either I have to live down stream for the water for it to be carried to me or the water will be pumped. Pumping water requires energy, either physically moving a lever up and down or electric energy. When looking at land it would be nice to have high, middle and low points. Water can be collected at the top, it will be used in the middle and waste goes to the low point. Peaks, valleys, ridges, depressions, these were made by traveling water. The land is a map for us to read where water comes from and where it goes. We’ll save a lot of headaches by placing ourselves in the right spot.
Chris' Morning Pages 