Beautiful Abundance

I’m writing this from the green house, there was a big storm that ended about an hour ago and now I’m under attack of mosquitos. I’ve wondered if the food forest has been good for bugs in general, I try to provide better stuff to eat than me. We also got word that the inspection of the new house has been completed. Things are moving along and it’s so crazy, I love it. I’m very grateful for everything I have in life and hopefully act in a way that is deserving of it. I can’t wait to start moving, this will be the first time in my life I’ll be excited to move. Hopefully it ends up being the last time I move; wouldn’t that be lovely. A little place of Earth to call my own. I watched a video today of a guy digging out his basement. When he redid the floor, he put a time capsule in the concrete. I think that’s a good idea to consider because you have no idea who will ever see the contents of the capsule. If it’s somewhere on my land I suspect I’ll be long dead before anyone has a chance to know the time capsule exists. I just realized that this is a time capsule. My whole life documented by myself one day at a time. That gives me the urge to throw up, maybe because it make me feel very human. These days are finite. I don’t know how I got so interested in plants. It was something that was always in me even at a young age, but I never saw this happening. I don’t even know how I got so many plants, they kept accumulating and I see each one as a challenge and when the plant dies, I lose. I don’t want to lose, not to a stupid plant.

Follow a frog for grog

I’ve got one shot to do this, fingers don’t fail me now. Today has been pretty cool, the sunflower that’s growing in my front yard opened for the first time. It’s got a beautiful color that I wasn’t expecting, I don’t know if it will last. I get so excited watching plants grow, it’s more like a class in biology to me though. I study the phases of flowers and stems, what new leafs look like. For some reason I can’t get enough of this stuff, maybe because there’s an endless amount to be learned and it’s all bedrock knowledge. By that I mean, it’s all verifiable by reaching my hands out and touching it, that’s how you can tell something is true. Well in philosophy it’s not enough, but that’s why plants are better for my head than philosophy. The path to nihilism gobbles me up quickly in philosophy. Studying plants leads to me eating healthier, getting sun, and wanting to take photos. Still if there’s something to be learned out there, I want to know it. I can’t wait for the new house, I can hear sirens now and our back yard neighbors shouting at each other, soon it will be silent. I joke about never seeing another person again and there’s a scary amount of truth in that sentence because deliveries are so stream lined and every company has to offer shipping, usually for free, if they’re going to compete with amazon. I’m sure there’s plenty of reasons to call them an evil company, but it’s an example of why competition in good. I remember paying $15 for shipping and handling on every delivery. That was back when I had to borrow my parent’s credit card to buy something online. Thank goodness those days are over and I can’t wait until all delivery fees are gone. I want all “fees” gone, as in itemizations. Tell me the real cost and I’ll tell you if I’ll pay it.

Clone a bone

I’m invoking the muses on this one, so watch out. My first thought is to take the writing in the direction of artistically describing something beautiful, similar to poetry, but to be honest I know that’s no my strength. There’s a person who likes my blog posts occasionally with a name like, “needlessly overthinking”, and that is my strength. I’m sorry if I incorrectly remembered that name, remembering names is also a weakness of mine. I could be given a 50 character long string to remember and it wouldn’t be too difficult, but introduce me to someone at a party and quiz me on their name at the end of the night, I will fail every time. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve had to write someone off completely because I’m not going to ask for their name again. A nice part of getting older is learning what your strengths are and accepting you can’t be good at everything. I was telling Mary yesterday that eight time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman, is a failed accountant. Some of my fondest memories are sitting in the university computer lab at night, crunching away numbers for my accounting homework. I got to where I could do all my calculations on the number pad of a key board without looking away from the screen. I would get some serious speed sorting assets and debts, it’s actually no different than me doing super fast Eminem raps. I mean it feels like I’m using the same parts of my brain. Although there was an added feeling of my fingers, which is similar to typing when you don’t need to look at the keyboard. I was better with the number pad than I was with a keyboard because I never bothered to learn the entire keyboard until I starting coding.

Unpoppable thought bubble

Macro photo of a flower

Sorry I didn’t write yesterday, I started exercising again and I know from experience that my energy has to be put into making sure I don’t crash. There was even a moment yesterday well after I had finished exercising and that’s the thing, your body has a reaction outside of the time you spend exercising. The moment was one of circling the drain, my body temperature was rising, my mind was recklessly active and I had energy. I was able recognize that this is what my wife and I call in my dog, “fake energy”. If I had used that energy, I probably would have had a migraine and spent the last several hours of the day laying in bed with my eyes closed. Instead I’ve learned from my mistakes, or at least yesterday I demonstrated that, I went into my room and took 15 minutes to lay down for a reset. Seinfeld is a practitioner of some sort of intermediate meditation, I think it’s essentially laying down for 10-15 minutes a couple times a day to relax and reset. From the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, my brain is revving. Add in learning plumbing, electrical, philosophy, and exercise, and my brain demands more. “This second isn’t filled” it says, so it finds a new problem to solve, but the brain is a machine and it needs to rest. Sure sleep is necessary, but you know you’re headed for trouble if the only time you rest is to sleep. I wish I could do those little bits of meditation more regularly, but I get caught up in the illusion of time; I must make every second count. Even thinking about it now, I’m not going to plan time to relax because I have a repulsive reaction to it. What to do with a Chris brain?

Squeeze Squished Squash

Writing this is exploring myself and I’ve been avoiding exploring myself today. I always say I’m tired as an excuse, but I’m never too tired to do anything, so I wait. All I have to do is wait one month, I’ve waited years before. Who would have thought one day I’d be more excited to buy a house than I am for Christmas. I’m also happy with how all the house stuff turned out because I did not have the same excitement for it as I do for this one. The last house looked out over a city and this one faces a died up pond, this more my speed. That’s me though, wanting to throw myself against a wall. I’m trying to figure out how I got here. I had a much different vision of where I was going. I always have a different idea of where I’m going because by the time I get somewhere new, I can see more I’d like to explore. I don’t even have to move because time changes my surroundings.

 If I thought I was good enough, I wouldn’t be able to push myself. That’s what I tell myself, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I can read because I feel like reading. Will I do everything that’s good for me though? Well the only bad thing right now is that I’m not very physically active and over eat, but I’m waiting to be physically active. Having more to do in a day will also keep me from mindless eating. What I’m getting at is everything is going to be alright. I’m good, I’m gonna build a house with personalized art all over the place. It’s not going to be amateur stuff either, I’ll turn my drive for perfection onto laying down tile. I was walking through the store today looking at camping gear and seeing the tree branch saws got me so excited.

Book Worm

Skating in at the end of the wire today. I’ve felt really tired today so I’ve spent most of the day watching this 24 hour livestream a guy did on twitch of him playing video games. I don’t know why resting makes me feel so bad. Probably because I still need to take care of myself when I rest and I treat it more like a free for all. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow. The end of the month is quickly approaching, so that’s very exciting and after we close it will be a big relief. Then begins the process of moving, so crazy. Right now I’m probably in an anxious spot because I know there’s going to be a lot of work that needs to be done and I’m willing to do it, but I can’t get to work right now. That causes me to get into some sort of loop that tires me out and then I begin to worry that if I’m tired now, then I won’t be able to do the work in the future. That causes another spiral to think that my body is falling apart. Another thing I can’t understand is why I think my body is falling apart when I’m stronger than I’ve ever been in a lot of exercises. Maybe it’s because I’ll go a day without doing anything and that makes me think I can’t do anything. I don’t like thinking things will be better in the future because they’re good now. Life is amazing right now and I’m truly blessed for every minute I’m in control of. I want to read more, there’s a lot I want to learn. For most of my life I’m going to feel like I’m chasing a moving train and I need to catch up with my education.

Sat on me clue for key

This is the story of how one man became a king. He sought his own kingdom, one that refused boundaries drawn by other men. Everything created by man will turn to dust, but we’re all gifted with a spirit. This character we portray and don’t want to act in opposition to. What would happen if I acted out of character? Usually I feel bad and get a little sick in my stomach then tell myself why I thought it was a good decision in the past. I’ll learn from a decision like that to tell me about myself. That gut reaction is something that can’t be faked. That’s why I’m so confused about this gut feeling I have about protests. Everyone is so angry and I can’t figure out why, we live in one of the greatest times to ever be alive for any human. Well if you’re in America at least, but still a lot of the world is living with a “western” standard. The streets of Baghdad were no different than Philadelphia; and that’s not a compliment to Baghdad. Sorry I wanted to talk about the bare necessities people need are met, but I got to thinking about Baghdad. I only drove through there once even though we were about 15 miles South of the city. That experience feels like something out of Blade Runner. Somehow it felt like the sun was blotted out, large neon lights and every sense is pounding. Kids started throwing rocks at us, Spier would throw Jolly Ranchers as if they were rocks. I understand what it feels like to be in a tense situation, I also am willing to extend a peaceful hand knowing it may get hurt. Sometimes it does get hurt and I get a sick feeling from thinking about it, but I had french toast delivered to my house for breakfast today. No king ever had that.

Here’s the scoop on truth, it’s bull poop

I’ve got a lot to straightening out to do in my head today. I felt sad yesterday and now I have have information to sort, it’s as though I go through cycles too. Perhaps it would be nice to have a period because I can track monthly cycles. A guy doesn’t have something as obvious as blood, but I could still be going through hormonal shifts. I’ll start tracking the moon and save myself a lot of hassle. Basically the only real conclusion I’ve come to is that people need to ignore anything that would be classified as media. Well that’s not even true because here are the two sides I have, I don’t want to be exposed to media because it will make me believe something, or there is no escaping “media” so you should do what makes you happy. That’s right and I stand by it, people should do what makes them happy and I’ve always said ignorance is bliss. I could see how a person like me, when they’re senial, could take the saying “ignorance is bliss” and think they should perform a DIY lobotomy. 

I was going through a box of old stuff today. The stuff in question was my electronics/arduino phase and my sewing phase. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me that I want to know how to do everything. I think it relates to being paranoid, I won’t feel comfortable until I’ve got everything around me figured out. Seeing it is the first step to fixing it, at the same time I’m gonna buy a house and start building fences. A good fence brings a lot of comfort and just wait until I put in a gate at the far end of the driveway. Nobody is going to come within 300 meters of my house without me knowing, and I’ll have you know I’m a qualified expert with a carbine at 300 meters.

Goodnight Glinda

I buried a friend today, it was the spider in the picture above. I first encountered her in the garden building a web where the hummingbird feeder hangs. I decided to take some pictures like I have been doing for a lot of different bugs whenever I get a chance. One thing I remember about the photo shoot was her doing a little move of a single leg to where it looked like she was pointing. The picture I got of her pointing was too blurry unfortunately. She was a good spider and there may be many more like her on the way because her butt looked deflated, signalling to me that she laid eggs. I found her on the top portion of my hummingbird feeder next to a small fly, a last meal perhaps? I dug up a little dirt and moved the bodies with some sticks. It was a small ceremony, only birds and bees showed up, but the singing was lovely. 

I heard the U.S. unemployment went up significantly again. That gave me the feeling that now is the time to buy some crypto. I almost bought recently, but my gut said no. I’ve been able to ride the wave of Bitcoin and Etherium before, so this is fair warning to anyone that might be reading this. A name that came into the ring when the crypto bubble burst was Ripple(XRP) and since they were still popping up and selling for so cheap, I could see them being a significant name in the future. Right now I’m being cautious and wanting to track these coins for a couple months, but I want to be prepared for a sudden drop because in conversation I said, “Are we in a depression yet?” That’s when it hit me that these things don’t happen suddenly. A sink hole doesn’t appear, it’s waiting for something to tip the balance. A single piece of straw doesn’t break the camels back.