Wet and wobbly wheel

I’ve begun tracking bugs now

I’ve been tired lately, I’m not taking very good care of my body. Mostly I’m not eating right, I’ll go most of the day without eating much of anything and then at night I’ll gorge myself. I’ve got nothing wrong with that routine in principle, but during the day I’ve got no energy to do anything without eating. I’m stuck in an in-between, this is what I hate about house shopping, there are long stretches of time that have nothing to do with me. I could go into it more, but I’ve done it in the past. Maybe I’ll try to explain things with a more Thoreau approach. I was born without choosing to be born, that means someone else had an intention for me or they didn’t. This far in my life and no one has come forward to let me know the purpose of me being born, that tells me I’m responsible for my own well being. All that just to say, I have a right to life after being born. “Life” is then defined by whatever over arching organization you choose to live that life under. What that might look like is where I live I will pay a certain amount in taxes, but will be provided things like access to water, electricity and police. I don’t have to pay my taxes and I don’t have to drink tap water, but I’m always allowed to exist. On the surface, buying a house is an agreement to pay a certain amount of money and you can become the organization that rules over the agreed land. That may be what it’s like when the property is for sell by owner and you have the purchase amount in cash, but otherwise we need to bring in more organizations that have more rules to follow if you want to succeed in that system. I have to sit quietly while these big machines get me to point B. I’m trying to be prepared for when I arrive there, but I don’t know if I’ve put the right fuel in to even get started yet. I can’t wait for these people to be replaced by computers.

Let me take you away

To a place where the water always flows. A beautiful waterfall surrounded by life. To the art of stone placement and pattern. There’s a variety of stone sizes to use, when to use what size is an artistic choice. I need everything to be cohesive though. Ideas have to work together or else it feels like patchwork. Maybe our style would be described as minimalist modern chic. Those rooms that are wide open with white walls, floor and sofa; with nothing else. That’s a room I’d like to have. I could have it, it would be functional too with all the smart appliances out today. The rooms can be completely barren because big brother google is always there to lend a hand. This leads me to an innovation that has me annoyed as of late. The smart garage door opener market is dominated by Amazon because of an initiative by them to deliver packages into garages safely. That makes me wonder if people will be demanding more monopolies in the future saying, “I want all my smart appliances by google!” I mean that is what I’m saying, I want everything connected without having to have a single device on hand. I can stand anywhere on my land and with a whisper could start playing Duran Duran. 

I can’t wait to see the stars out at this place. Oh boy, and I just remembered I’m going to get a telescope to track the stars. I’ve wanted a super powerful telescope for so long. I’ll be learning the patterns and using them for farming too. I guess with stronger lenses it’s part of my argument for humanity that man always wants to see what’s just over that horizon. I know everything here is good, but if I could just see over there I’d be satisfied, I promise.

Tooth Pick Scab

Mustard green’s flowers

I’ve just received a counter offer from Mary. I think we may have come to an agreement. I know I’m gonna get flack from people about not fighting tooth and nail over every scrap, but that’s just it, there’s only scraps to fight over at this point. It’s not worth the energy because I’m happy with the outcome. Plus I want to get this all over with as quickly as possible because I’ve got a bad feeling about a storm brewing a couple months out from now. When things went sideways a couple of months ago I learned that systems I need are shut down and it actually becomes harder to make moves in a bear market. Right now could be the perfect chance to strike or else wait two more years. We’ve got a lot of ducks in a row for a smooth transition, so it will be great. I’m going to have to buy a lawn mower and I think at the same time I’m going to need to get a trailer. Oh man, I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve, I hope I’ll get what I wished for. I’m a fireball of energy, but I’ve been studying with that energy and if we go under contract I will have more of a reason to dedicate myself to it. There’s gonna be a bunch of hurry up and wait for the next couple months. Good luck to everyone out there, take care and bundle up. Don’t be hanging out at the mall just to be out of the house. Go enjoy nature, try social distancing by six miles. Oh, there could be a joke to be made around staying six feet away from your phone. All that reminds me of this one time I tried to camp at this park in South Dakota where there wasn’t any light pollution for a mile in every direction. The sight of the stars knocked me down.

One Per Sin Perspective

Rose

We made an offer on a house today! What an exciting time to be alive. I also went to a Target today and I felt sick the moment I walked into the store. The first thing I sea is a flood of people. I know I want no part of them, then I hear someone shouting out where a “clean” cart can be obtained. I didn’t need a cart and I’m not going to wait in line to be allowed to go shopping. Let me tell you something folks, say goodbye to brick and mortar stores now, they are officially dead. Not only is their reputation tarnished by being a public gathering place, but the experience of being in one is like the crowds of Disney World with the excitement of the DMV. Amazon’s got the game on lock with shipping everything to the home. I remember seeing something come across my desk mentioning a billion dollar deal Jeff Bezos did with the CIA. I didn’t read the article because it’s probably 90% garbage to begin with and the writer of the article probably doesn’t even know what 10% of their own writing is true. There’s another thing sailing away with physical stores: quality writing. Twitter brings about an age where people communicate in, originally, 140 characters. Sentence structure can’t remain the same as it was before, so we have journalists who get their jobs on the fact that they’re good at communicating through social media and the rest of printed word has suffered because of it. I’m not saying I’m the greatest writer, or even a good one. I’m just a guy at home, but I try. I like to sneak in clever bits with my double entendres like “see” and “sea” above. Any time lately I go to read an article, it’s like they’re not even trying and no one is proof reading it, that’s why ideas spread like wildfire.

P.S. Bezos would be stupid not to sign a deal with the CIA. I’d love to work with the CIA.

Hear Clear Space

We just returned from another visit to the house we’re interested in. It still looks pretty good, we only saw the outside I feel better about it now that we’ve taken time to slowly walk around and look. Our vision leaves out so much information that our brains normally think isn’t important, like an electrical box on the side of the house is painted the same color as the house. If I were a guest visiting the house, I probably wouldn’t know that electrical box is there, but as an owner it’s important to take a minute looking at the box in case anything is wrong with it. It’s a very exciting time, things are looking good and we’ll continue gathering information. House stuff is probably the only big thing going on in my life. The garden projects I started in the last couple of months are moving along nicely, but I don’t spend much brain power on them. The work is more like everyday I have to walk through the gardens, I do this for pleasure, but while there I’ll notice weeds that have to be pulled. At this point the best strategy is to pull weeds everyday until the roots from the plants I want form a web to choke out the wounded weeds. I was going to say, “It’s easy work though.” Then I thought, I do have to get dirty to do it and I’m hunched over to pull weeds, so I realized pulling weeds is not easy work I just enjoy doing it. Every time I pull a weed it makes my garden look better and strengthens something I’m building, so I get an internal satisfaction from doing it. Not to mention the location, where else would I rather work than a garden next to my house?

Beware of Bugs Below

I think they look cool

I’m going to check out another house today. I don’t think there’s much chance of us wanting it because it is squeezed between a church and train tracks. We’re going anyway because it doesn’t hurt and we have to be active if we want to get things done. No body is going to serve the world to you; it’s worked for. I liked both the places we went to yesterday, there was one place that was built in the 50’s the is pretty wonky. I think they added an expansion and the center of the house became a cross roads. If not for that busy center, it would probably be higher on the list. The other house has some cosmetics we’d change, but it’s move in ready and I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a house that I wouldn’t want to make some tweaks to. Making changes is the fun part of the whole operation, only right now as a renter I don’t want to invest time and money into anything that I won’t get to keep, or worse the landlord could dislike the changes and I’ll have to undo my work. Owning a house is about that area being mine and if I know how to build a house from the ground up, I can do anything I want with it. 

I didn’t eat much yesterday, I’m sure part of it was nerves from doing a new thing, but there’s another idea I had in mind. I had been telling myself part of not eating and house “hunting” is to maintain focus. I don’t eat unless I get a kill. I can extend that further to other aspects of life, but it should seem pretty obvious. It would be the same as fighters not having sex before a fight and the Shakespeare quote I like about the lean man. The comfortable person is not as dangerous as the one backed into a corner.

Stay away stagnation

At some point in the afternoon yesterday I started to think how it would make sense to find a house with the same quality of the place I live at now, but with two or more acres. I don’t know what spurred on the tangent, maybe thoughts that I would be happy owning the property we’re currently renting and doing it my way. I was also thinking about how I wished I had my own room. Technically the place we’re in has enough rooms that one could be mine, but it’s more like shared living space and shared office space; like I said to Mary, “I want to have desks cluttered with stuff, each for their own hobby.” On of the biggest hurdles I try to smooth out in life is set up/take down times, for example I’m less likely to drive 20 minutes to the gym than I am to step out my door and go for a 12 minute run. Set up/take down times get in the way of doing the activity that I want to be doing. I’ll say something like, “I want to work out, but I’d have to drive to the gym first.” Having the activity ready when I am is ideal. Along those lines, I’d get more work done on the land if I could walk out my door and be there than if I had to drive 20 minutes to the farm. After all those thoughts and many more, I pulled up the real estate website and the first house I saw was perfect. It turned out that house was in a different location, but it’s still good. This morning Mary and I went to check out the first house I found and another one, they looked great and we’re actually going to go with an agent to see the inside of the houses in two hours!  

Take time off till 10 hundred

Macro shot of my orchid

This morning felt like I was hit by allergies hard because after breakfast I had to go back to bed. I knew I needed good sleep too, because usually for a nap I don’t put my mask and nose plugs in, but this morning I did. Yesterday was a really good day for Chris, shoot I was probably on the verge of painting. I started the morning reading my house building book, had breakfast, went grocery shopping and transitioned into Tolstoy’s A Confession. That book has got some powerful ideas in it that I wish I was exposed to when I was younger. Some time after returning from Iraq, my friend’s suicide and divorcing my ex, I gave up on religion. There was a degree of feeling I’ve been tricked, like I was still believing in Santa Claus. The larger picture was probably I was beaten down by evil and accepted defeat. Naturally, I then became evil. Now, I’ve always aspired to be like King Author’s knights and I’ve been pretty successful, so I know when I’m bad it’s still good for most people, but it’s bad to me. While evil I destroyed everything around me because, why not, I was strong enough to do it, it’s fun to kick a sandcastle, and I didn’t care about repercussions. Part of destroying things was becoming a militant atheist that would try and convince people to abandon their religion. I can out argue most people, so I’m sorry for what I did to their perceptions. Tolstoy can out argue me, if I had read this book then maybe things would have been different. There were other good minds around at the time making arguments that would have dismantled mine that I didn’t expose myself to, now I think I didn’t want to find them; didn’t want to be proven wrong. Everyone should be on guard that there is information they avoid.

Mess up your makeup

Horseradish flowers

We’ve made it through another day. I was feeling pretty low yesterday and nothing really got accomplished. Maybe the days are feeling like they lag because we’re in the middle of the month. Right now an edge to grab onto is only getting further away. I’m going to put an effort into reading more. It doesn’t take the same sort of energy as going for a run or making a painting and it’s bettering myself. Less than a decade ago I had probably read between zero and four books over the course my life. I decided that I wanted to read more, so at a set time of the day I would sit in my chair and read. I’d read until I got a headache and around that time I started dating my wife. She told me the headaches could be cause by needing glasses. I got glasses, my headaches were gone, and I’ve since read a lot of heavy books. The point is I had to make it happen. The ability to read was a skill I had to work at, I even read a 1940’s book called, “How to Read a Book”. If I would like to read more now, it means I will have to go through a similar process of building myself up. As much as I wish I could, I can’t flip a switch to spend all my time on one activity and be great at it. Last night I was looking at myself thinking this isn’t like me. I don’t want to waste a second of life, there’s an endless list of books I want to read and now I have plenty of opportunity. The strange times make it hard to think about improvement, for weeks maybe even months now, I’ve only been concerned with getting through the days.

Mellow Monday Morning

This is the first thing I’m doing today, mostly because I don’t feel like doing anything else. At least if I write this, I’ve done something productive today. A struggle with dieting is with the weekend I want to relax a little because it’s the weekend, currently my best tactic to not over eat when not eating my scheduled foods is to under eat in general. That brings me to this morning where I’m probably calorically low, so I don’t do the things that are good for me. 

I was talking to Mary yesterday, she’s been going through a tough time for awhile, but finally opened up a little bit to me yesterday. It was needed because it felt like there was a wall in-between us and when she explained how she had been feeling, I felt like I unaware of what exactly she was feeling. I wish I could help her more, but the ideas that are bugging her are not of my world. Maybe she’ll talk to someone trained to handle those problems because the most I feel like the most I can do to help is be there for her, but realistically that’s not all a person needs. She means the world to me and I hate to see her suffer. I hope I’m doing the right thing. I guess that’s what I’ve been going through, walking around I can feel something is wrong, but having no idea what it is. There’s no challenge that can’t be overcome, if it’s faced head on. At the same time, problems are solved with tools designed for specific problems. I’m not going to hammer a nail with a pillow. Time heals all wounds, for now I guess I’ll just get through the day and see where that leads. A friend told me about his mother inlaw saying she’s in a job she hates, but she only has to put up with it for five years. I can’t imagine how it feels to intentionally write off five years of your life.